Balancing career, community and family.

A woman's life appeared uncomplicated decades ago; men worked and most women stayed home to raise the kids. But times have changed dramatically and the question I am asked most frequently by working women is: How can women balance a successful career and family?

Balance is having enough time for family, a challenging career and community involvement. You can "have it all" with excellent time management, prioritization and delegation skills as long as these skill are applied in equal doses among your family life, your work and your volunteer efforts. But you can't have it all if you try to do it all yourself.

Balance is not a constant. It comes and goes as things change in life. It has to be worked at, but the process of seeking balance can be stimulating and a true learning experience about what is most important to you.

According to an article by Sandi Epstein on the website BlueSuitMom.com, women should recognize that balancing roles as mother and businessperson is truly a job in itself and it requires you to appreciate your work. She suggests that women take time to think about balance and how to get it this week. Then, apply your best analytical and creative thinking to solve this task. "Remember yourself, your needs, your wants, your happiness--this is the ultimate barometer of balance," she says.

But you will need to have faith there is a way--don't put barriers in front of possibilities. In my experience, flexibility is important--what works this week may be out of whack next week--stay open to new solutions.

According to a new study "The Qualities That Distinguish Women Leaders," conducted by a Princeton-based management-consulting firm, women must have confidence and believe they can do whatever they want to do without changing themselves in order to be successful. The study found that for a woman to become a leader today, she has to fight harder against the status quo, which requires her to be more focused and determined.

However, on the path to success and balance you must learn to make time for yourself. Eliminate, "Nobody else can do what I do." Remember, you had to learn the skills you have now. And if you were able to learn them, undoubtedly somebody else can too. So allow your staff to take over some tasks that needlessly take up your time.

Next, women have stop thinking, "If I don't do it myself, it won't get done right." It's often true that the first time someone attempts something new, it's not perfect. But everything doesn't have to be perfect, and with practice, people generally perform a given task better.

But what about today's triple burden of maintaining a house, working full-time outside the home and being a face in community or professional organizations. According to the Families and Work Institute, 60 percent of working parents feel considerable conflict between work demands and time spent at home. And with 85 percent of employed women still working exclusively outside the home, that means millions of us are still dashing from the office to the soccer field or day-care center every night.

When working mothers were asked by Families and Work Institute about some of their biggest work/family dilemma most responded:

Getting to school and work on time. Force yourself to pack lunches, lay out clothes and get backpacks ready the night before. "Figure out what always hangs you up in the morning. For one woman it was socks, so she bought two dozen pairs for each of her sons.

B) Getting it all done. Are you the one who always buys next season's clothes for the kids, drops off and picks up the prescriptions and plans every family outing? Your problem is management, not motherhood. Psychologist Diane Ehrensaft says that no matter how willing mothers and fathers are to share responsibilities, mothers inevitably take over three major management functions: wardrobe manager, psychological counselor and social director. If this rings a bell for you, force yourself to delegate a little responsibility.

Of course, if you're a single mother, it's even more important to develop a network of neighbors and friends who can pitch in when there's a problem. Joining an organization that can support your personal goals is also helpful. "Build a good support system by connecting with other working morns who are a positive influence," suggests Ehrensaft. "The key is finding working morns in similar situations who are upbeat. Attitude is everything."

Managing stress is another essential element of having a balanced life. In the book, "Margin" by Dr. Richard A. Swenson, he states we are reaching our saturation point by trying to do just "one more thing" throughout the day. Multi-tasking has been elevated to heroic proportions.

Yet, the more we try to cram in, the more mistakes we make, the less time we truly listen to each other (because we're trying to type email at the same time), and the more stressed we become without necessarily accomplishing the priorities. Rather than trying to do one more thing, consider eliminating those tasks and appointments that are not critical.

Still, we try to do what we're asked and more. Despite crushing schedules, we take on additional assignments at work, accept speaking engagements, or chaperone the class field trip. Another critical component to achieving a balanced life is learning to say "no" or "not right now." For most of us it's hard to say no. Being needed is a psychological need, according to consultant Millard "Mac" MacAdams.

By meeting these constant demands, women can become controlled by the calendar. There is very little time for fun, family and quiet reflection, exactly what we need the most, according to MacAdams. "It's better to say no," he advises. "The majority of people who have great hearts need to be more discerning."

He advises putting up a shield to avoid what he terms the "tyranny of the urgent." Postpone these things to handle down the line. The urgent things that come in every day always rob us and take us away from the important. Trying to do everything right away depletes your physical, emotional, financial and time reserves.

Finally, to have a balanced life try to have fun. The most successful, well-balanced women are those that laugh at themselves and enjoy what they do--because they make time for a balanced life. They apply time management and prioritizing skills and learn to say "no" more often. This leaves more time for the most important things in your family, professional and community life.

Many of us would never survive our job if we didn't take some time to blow off steam; a weekend of golf, an afternoon at the ballpark with the kids, a night at the movies or playing the piano after dinner. Whether it's an hour, an evening or a few days, forgetting about work helps you return with a clean slate the next day.

JoAnn M. Bourne is Executive Vice President and Group Head of the Commercial Deposits and Treasury Management Group at Union Bank of California, N.A. She serves as a member of the bank's 12-member Executive Management Committee and on the board of directors of KCET Public Television, Western Los Angeles County Council-Boy Scouts of America, Los Angeles Economic Development Board, Union Bank Foundation Board. Bourne, who is married with two sons, is also active with the local Boy Scouts and her son's neighborhood school. She was named one of the 25 Women to Watch by U.S. Banker magazine in 2004 and 2005.