Balancing acts.

One of my German mother's favorite and most I frequently repeated words of wisdom is about the need to balance Tun (doing or action) with Nichts-tun (doing nothing or relaxation) in your life. Of late she's been a bit worried about the extent of the many high-school and extracurricular music activities one of my sons is involved in--jazz band every day an hour before the regular school day starts, an a cappella choir and a jazz combo that each meet once a week, a new choral group that sings for kids in hospitals, plus other occasional commitments such as the high school musical or playing trumpet at the Sunday liturgy. To European eyes, the time commitment American schools and society require from preteens and teens for sports, music, drama, and many other good activities can seem excessive and perhaps unhealthy.

As parents we often struggle with where to draw the line. After he played two seasons in a traveling soccer league, my wife and I pulled our other son out in part because the regular Sunday afternoon time commitment was taking over too much of our family time. And as his brother continues to seek out new music activities, we are requiring him to drop others before getting involved in something new. Still, when we look at the crowded family calendar in our kitchen, we wonder, like most American families, whether we haven't let ourselves and our kids get sucked into too much Tun with not enough time for Nichts-tun.

Amidst the many confusing messages parents receive today, family social scientist Bill Doherty is a countercultural voice of reason who urges parents to "take back your kids" from the consumeristic values and societal pressures that are impinging on and unbalancing our family lives. Doherty, working with a group of Minnesota parents in the late '90s, coined the now-common phrase "overscheduled kids." In this month's cover story ("The parent trap," pages 12-17), he urges parents to be more confident in applying their own rather than society's values. As he himself has done with parents in Minnesota, he wants more parents everywhere to start banding together and organizing to counter overscheduling, excessive expectations and consumerism at birthday parties, and other unhealthy "entitlement" trends.

The "Expert Witness" interview with Doherty is one of several articles in this month's special family issue. Kathy Beirne ("I should have told you so," pages 28-32) tackles the delicate question of whether to speak now or forever hold your peace when worried about a family member's unhealthy relationship, while Mike Daley ("Off to a bad start," pages 24-27) reflects on the presence of original sin in the family context. Joyce Rupp offers help for accompanying our family members on their final journey ("Go in peace: Rituals for the dying," pages 18-22).