BUM'S RUSH; It's Bottoms Week in the Record Match the behind to the celebrity.

Byline: ANNIE BROWN

JENNIFER LOPEZ has insured hers for a billion dollars and Justin Timberlake is fixated by Kylie's.

The bum has become a national obsession and someone, somewhere, saw fit to declare next week National Bum Week. Last week, it was National Depression Week, which is pretty much how most women feel about their backsides.

Face it girls - no amount of cellulite creams and spin classes are going to turn that wobbling mass into a pert little peach like Kylie's.

And are we supposed to have a peanut butt like hers or a bum big enough to be colonised like J-Lo's?

The Latin lovely once said: "I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge."

The fashionistas have left us confused. Do we want our bum to look big in this?

Anyway, take heart from some of the celebrity bots, pictured right, which are every bit as mottled, saggy and flabby as the backsides of us commoners.

And even the perfect bum is too much for some people. Kylie's has been so well photographed it could be confused with her face.

Her fans have now even launched a campaign called `Ban the Bum', fearing it was overshadowing her other talents.

They wrote: "Kylie, enough is enough. We're all bummed out. Your devoted fans can't take anymore. We're urging you to put your a** to bed once and for all."

And so say all of us normal women.

Now test yourself. How much attention do you actually pay to star behinds? Can you match the bum with the face?

A

GOT IT MAID: She's so spoiled she often seems to disappear up her own bum, so it's lucky it's the size of Latin America. It looked great in a maid's outfit

B

GOING FOR A THONG: Yoga spiced up her figure but her solo singing career still looks flabby

C

ATTENTION-GRABBER: You can tell this Essex girl anything on a Sunday, but not about Jay Kay

D

HAWNS OFF: The golden days are over, so please keep it private, Benjamin. Kate Hudson hopes it's not in the genes

E

TOP TO BOTTOM: This top-heavy model often staggers drunk out of a nightclub and lands on this bottom

F

POP ETCH: How painter Peter Howson sees the rear of a pop icon. But no ocean could have Swept Away a bum this solid

G

FLAUNT IT: This singer is so Dirty her clothes are always in the wash, so she frequently appears semi-naked on stage

H

RED ALL OVER: This picture will warm the heart of Nancy Dell'Olio

I

BEHIND THE CHARTS: One half of the Romanian pop duo that had the cheek to release a single

J

THIGHS FOR YOU: You could roll cigars between those thighs, which made this lady popular with a president

K

SITTING PRETTY: The woman from Splash gives a flash. The former tights model should remember her knickers

L

NEIGH BOTHER: This is one Royal who talks a lot of horse sense

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: This one has a face that looks like a slapped backside..

M

LEAN AND GREEN: This posh bird should leave her husband to wear the shorts in their house

N

SOUTHERN BELLE: Oops, Justin Timberlake preferred an Aussie bum to this virginal derriere

O

SVELTE WRONG: This rear fluctuates more than the Footsie. Now we know why she wept on Celebrity Big Brother 

P

A STRING OF CRIME: No amount of string could keep this wobbly backside together. Lucky it's dark in his nightclub

Q

PERTS OF THE JOB: She's perfect down under. We should all be so lucky to have a backside like this

1: Vanessa Feltz

2: Denise Van Outen

3: Goldie Hawn

4: Ulrika Jonnson

5: Christina Aguilera

6: Jennifer Lopez

7: Peter Stringfellow

8: Britney Spears

9: Madonna

10: Daryl Hannah

11: Geri Halliwell

12: Zara Phillips

13: Monica Lewinsky

14: Victoria Beckham

15: Cheeky Monica

16: Kylie Minogue

17: Jordan

WERE YOU RIGHT? HERE ARE THE ANSWERS:

A-6, B-11, C-2, D-3, E-17, F-9, G-5, H-4, I-15, J-13, K-10, L-12, M-14, N-8, O-1, P-7, Q-16