BOOZE GAVE ME THE HARD CELL.

CHIC CHARNLEY admits he's no stranger to a stiff drink but their acquaintanceship got out of hand when a night in the cells cost him the chance to see his beloved Celtic in an Old Firm game.

He said: "I was with St Mirren and, surprise, suspended at the time. I was out with my pals the night before the derby and was trying to do a good deed that put me behind bars. "One of my mates was going to drive while severely under the influence of alcohol. I was tipsy but he was steaming so I thought it would be a good idea if I drove him home.

"I got away with that gamble but my big mistake was to drive the car back to the pub and carry on with my night out."

That error of judgment, plus a refusal to take a breathalyser test or give a blood sample, got Charnley an overnight stay in a cell.

He co-operated with police after they threatened to charge him with stealing the car that had got him into bother.

Charnley said: "I was eventually carted off to court, fined pounds 400 and banned from driving for two years. My brother took the Old Firm tickets from the desk at the police station, didn't even ask to see me and has still not paid me for them.

"The story failed to make the papers because the court reporter didn't recognise my real name of James Charnley.

I'm only called Chic because I used to sell poultry that had been 'acquired' by a family friend round the doors."