BLONDE AMBITION OF GUYS EVERYWHERE; GOLDEN LOCKS ARE SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE : SHINING EXAMPLES.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Daily News Film Writer

There's this character in Tom DiCillo's new comedy, ``The Real Blonde,'' whose name is Bob. Being a Bob, we know immediately that this is an OK guy, a man who has little to prove. Otherwise he'd call himself Robert. Or Bobby.

Anyway, Bob is one of those hyphenates we know well from living in Los Angeles, the waiter-actor. Bob loves acting, but his real passion revolves around an all-consuming quest. He wants to find a blonde, a ``real blonde'' who doesn't get her color courtesy of Clairol.

Now, you could look at this guy as he rejects woman after woman upon realizing that the carpet doesn't quite match the curtains and you could think, ``What a shallow, vapid, shoal of a human being this Bob is.'' Or, if you're a guy, you could think, ``Mmmmm ... real blonde.''

You see, deep down every man knows and understands Bob's life mission and can well appreciate the beauty of it. After all, we're schooled from a young age that blondes have more fun. And guys like fun. So we instinctively follow blondes, believing that if we pursue flaxen-haired women, good times will be just around the corner.

Where do we get these ideas? Television is our early teacher. Remember the story of the lovely lady who was bringing up three very lovely girls? Their hair color? Gold, of course, just like their mother. The youngest one in curls.

Then there were those supernatural blondes on ``Bewitched'' and ``I Dream of Jeannie.'' Elizabeth Montgomery twitched her nose and we were not only bewitched, but bothered and bewildered as well. And Barbara Eden was the ultimate bottle blonde. She didn't even need to have magical powers. That harem costume was enough to cast a spell on every guy watching her show.

After that came Suzanne Somers, the ultimate ditz blonde on ``Three's Company,'' and Charlie's Angel Farrah Fawcett, whose feathered-blonde pin-up poster adorned bedroom walls across America.

Sure these women weren't much in the brains department. Didn't matter. Being blond is all about youth and innocence and, most importantly, fantasy. We never dated the blond homecoming queen, but that doesn't mean we never dreamed about it.

Nobody understands the way guys dream about blondes better than moviemakers. Way back in the days when married couples were shown sleeping in twin beds, Hollywood had to have some kind of secret weapon to personify sex and get around the Hays Code.

Enter blondes.

From the frank sexuality of the platinum Jean Harlow to Mae West's suggestive come-ons, golden-haired actresses promised entrance into a world that went beyond the birds and the bees into a place where lusty animal magnetism ruled the day. Consider the witty and glamorous Carole Lombard, sweater girl Lana Turner, leggy Betty Grable and the bombshell with her own curtain of hair, Veronica Lake. These women enchanted us, entertained us and got us through World War II.

When King Kong went into heat, he grabbed the blond, near-naked Fae Wray, undoubtedly entranced by the shine of her hair.

You think he would have noticed Claudette Colbert, Bette Davis or Katharine Hepburn? Of course not. The monkey would have stayed in the jungle and we never would have had the Godzilla movies, much less Mothra or the giant cockroach, Megalon. (I digress. But then, men are almost as enchanted with monster movies as they are with blondes.)

Marilyn Monroe was blonde-dom's crowning achievement, going so far to make a case for her tresses in the classic comedy ``Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.'' It was one of Monroe's biggest hits. A sequel sans Marilyn, ``Gentlemen Marry Brunettes'' followed. It bombed. No explanation should be necessary.

These days, blondes are firmly entrenched as Hollywood's vision of Venus. Whether it's firmly established sex symbols like Michelle Pfeiffer, Sharon Stone, Kim Basinger or Goldie Hawn or newcomers like Cameron Diaz, Alicia Silverstone, Gwyneth Paltrow or Uma Thurman, it's clear that blondes remain an American badge of beauty. Just watch a beer commercial or turn on MTV when they're actually playing music videos and you'll have all the proof you need.

Sure, the occasional brunette might momentarily turn our heads, but usually it's either an adorable girl-next-door (Sandra Bullock) or some freaky laboratory experiment (Demi Moore) rather than an honest-to-goodness goddess. Even Ellen DeGeneres went for a blonde (Anne Heche), and lord knows she could have had her pick of hair colors.

Will guys ever stop dreaming about blondes? Probably not as long as there are movies - and auto shows.

Of course, a lot of us end up marrying brunettes. You see, even though men have a thing for the Scandinavian look and the sexy, wholesome image that goes along with it, many guys decide to share their lives with dark-haired beauties, mostly because they find them a little more interesting.

That could be why some blondes, Kate Winslet and Heather Locklear among them, choose to advertise their dark roots to the world. It's their way of saying, ``Yeah, we may look like a blonde (Hubba, hubba!), but we're not Real Blondes (and, therefore, not stupid).''

Yes, it's a thin line between gold and tan. But we think even our friend Bob might approve of the distinction.

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7 Photos

Photo: (1--Cover--Color) Blonde obsession

New film focuses on our dyed-and-true loves

Cover design by Lori Valesko

(2--3--Color) Marilyn Monroe, left, was blonde-dom's crowning achievement. Leggy Betty Grable, below, was the pinup queen of World War II.

(4--Color) Sharon Stone has made an indelible mark in numerous feature films, remaining an American badge of beauty.

(5--Color) As the harem-costumed Jeannie, Barbara Eden, above, cast her spell on Larry Hagman. Farrah Fawcett, right, with her feathered-blonde tresses, adorned boys' bedroom walls across America.

(6--Color) Suzanne Somers played the ultimate ditsy blonde on ``Three's Company.''

(7) Glamorous Carole Lombard helped American servicemen make it through World War II.