BIG AND BAD VS. JUST PLAIN BAD.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

ST. LOUIS - How's that for cold water to the face? A reality slap to knock a team silly.

That wasn't a game, it was a beating. A mugging. My dad's bigger than your dad, and here's proof. My team has three MVPs to your one.

The Dodgers, so giddy after that remarkable comeback over the Giants to win the National League West on Saturday, were left stone sober by the St. Louis Cardinals on Tuesday in the opener of their division series.

Yep, the Cardinals really are that good. Yep, there could be a lot more of that ahead - at least two more games' worth.

Tuesday's opener provided everything the Dodgers were trying to avoid. You could call it a slugfest, except the Cards did all the slugging.

Five home runs? Guess the Dodgers' strategy is to wear out the Cardinals with all those curtain calls.

``It was pretty impressive,'' Shawn Green said.

You think? The only other time it's happened in NL postseason history is when the Chicago Cubs pulled it off against the San Diego Padres on Oct. 2, 1984, a day the wind was blowing out of Wrigley with near hurricane force.

This series has all the makings of a major mismatch. The Cardinals' great strength is their powerful lineup. The Dodgers' great weakness is their starting pitching.

Let's see, great hitting vs. lousy pitching. Hmm. Think this outcome could become predictable? A vice presidential debate offers more surprises.

No one in the NL scored more runs than the Cardinals this season, a main reason no team in baseball won more games.

``That's Cardinals baseball,'' Milton Bradley said. ``They swing the bats and have three MVP candidates over there. That's to be expected.''

Not five-home-runs expected. Not falling behind 7-0 in the fourth inning.

Certainly, the Cardinals are explosive. St. Louis has a lineup that features Albert Pujols (46 home runs, 123 RBI), Scott Rolen (32, 124) and Jim Edmonds (42, 111). Just for overkill, in late August they added Larry Walker.

``We know what we're up against,'' Jayson Werth said. ``We know who they are. We've heard of 'em.''

Knowing who they are and knowing how to get them out are two completely different things.

Doubters please check with Dodgers starter Odalis Perez, who actually said he had his best stuff Tuesday. This was after he gave up three homers and six runs in 2 2/3 innings.

Trouble is the Dodgers have no one in their shaky rotation they can turn to under the best of circumstances. And playing the Cardinals in a division series is not the best of circumstances.

The Dodgers do two things consistently well - catch the ball and win close games.

But the Cards might turn closer Eric Gagne into the most insignificant factor in the series, unless he's suddenly going to morph back into a starter overnight.

The Cardinals are a veteran playoff team. This is their fourth postseason in five years. They're used to this environment. They expect to win.

Apparently so does their legendary crowd. Often considered the best baseball fans in America, the sellout crowd at Busch Stadium was strangely subdued Tuesday. Almost like they couldn't get worked up over pounding an obviously outclassed opponent.

The overachieving Dodgers, of course, have been sold short all season. An underwhelming-looking team that plays well togetherlearned to grind out victories and truly earned its division championship.

As a reward, the Dodgers got the Cardinals, who play in a much tougher division and led the majors with 105 victories.

It's a monstrous task, and it's all theirs.

``We know these guys are going to be tough to beat,'' Adrian Beltre said. ``These guys were the best team in the National League.

``We have to play almost perfect baseball.''

And do it three times.

What everyone concedes they're not going to do is outslug the Cardinals.

``To think you're going to win a slugfest with them is a little foolish,'' Dodgers manager Jim Tracy said.

The Dodgers have had such a marvelous season, this series could prove a painful finale. All those comebacks, all those games won in stunning fashion. They deserve to be competitive in the postseason.

But Tuesday's game was no fluke. The Cardinals are not going to hit five home runs every game, but with their lineup, it's not required.

``We have a lot of weapons,'' Cardinals manager Tony La Russa said.

If it left the Dodgers a wee bit shell-shocked, they weren't showing it afterward. The old ``It was only one game'' quote was as common as it was correct.

One game, though, can be an indication of things to come.