BEN CARTWRIGHT WOULD NOT BE PROUD OF THIS 'PONDEROSA'.

This is the TV season in which pop culture pays homage to itself. Coming soon: ``Smallville,'' a Superman prequel in which viewers will be able to pat themselves on the back for catching ``inside'' references to the Man of Steel, and ``Enterprise,'' a ``Star Trek'' prequel in which viewers will be able to pat themselves on the back for catching ``inside'' references to the Gene Roddenberry franchise.

First up, however, is ``The Ponderosa,'' a handsomely mounted ``Bonanza'' prequel in which viewers will be able to pat - well, you get the idea. Two things make this a dodgier prospect - one, ``Bonanza's'' legend is creakier and has been tended less carefully than its sci-fi companions; and two, the Pax Network's update of this mild, mild western is so assiduously inoffensive and politically correct that it makes ``Dances With Wolves'' look like the work of a skinhead.

In Sunday's premiere, we learn the origins of Little Joe and Hoss' nicknames, we see how the Cartwrights came into possession of the Ponderosa, and we witness the death of Ben's last wife (which is merciful, really, since her French accent was really laughable, as bad as Brad Douriff's as Maurice, the local cynic). We discover Little Joe's horse Paint was ``gentled'' by a pert horse whisperer rather than ``broken'' by a manly cowboy and we get a brief homage to the original series' title sequence.

Cartwright patriarch Ben (Daniel Hugh Kelly) is a reverent man bordering on milksop. He prays before civic meetings. He twice lays his life or his financial future on the line to defend ethnic minorities. He cautions against swift justice for the man who killed his wife. Even though this takes place in the mid-19th century, were there any black characters on the show, you can bet he'd insist they be called ``African-Americans.'' Ben should open an arts-and-crafts shop in Taos.

If you didn't know that he would eventually last 14 years on network TV, we'd swear that ol' Ben was not long for the Old West. (We learn that Ben once had a dark side, suggesting that a prequel to this prequel might actually be more interesting.)

Here's the kind of wholesomeness this show offers: Mom (before she's killed off) has introduced the discussion topic ``things that are more important than gold.''

Ben: ``Like honesty.'' Adam (Matt Carmody) chimes in: ``And courage.'' Hoss (Drew Powell, the most natural of the cast) throws in his two cents' worth: ``And fairness.'' Mom throws down: ``And love.'' And, finally, Little Joe (Jared Daperis) pipes up: ``And family.'' You'll want to add: ``And TV programs that don't wallow so much in schmaltz.''

``THE PONDEROSA''

What: Prequel to the legendary western series ``Bonanza.''

The stars: Daniel Hugh Kelly, Matt Carmody, Drew Powell, Jared Daperis.

Where: Pax.

When: 9 p.m. Sunday.

Our rating: Two stars