BELICHIK AND BRADY: BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

Byline: NORMAN CHAD  The NFL 

If, as expected, the Patriots beat the Panthers Sunday - I believe the last time Carolina won a game, it was so long ago UPI covered it - New England will be AFC East champion.

This would make Bill Belichick (yeah, that Bill Belichick) NFL Coach of the Year and Tom Brady (a.k.a ``Tom Who?'') unknown quarterback of the year - well, unless Spergon Wynn comes up REALLY BIG in Week 17.

I've never been a Belichick connoisseur. He had a joyless 36-44 stint as head coach of the old Cleveland Browns (1991-95), then was the heir apparent to Bill Parcells with the New York Jets. When Parcells quit after the 1999 season, Belichick took over the Jets, changed his mind after a day or so, instead choosing to take over the Patriots.

How could so many teams be sold on Bill Belichick?

Does he interview well? Does he list great references? Does he tell dirty jokes like Redd Foxx behind closed doors?

Certainly, after a 5-11 record in 2000 and an 0-2 start in 2001 - with Drew Bledsoe getting hurt in the second game - no one could expect Belichick to be sitting at 10-5 going into the season's final week. Then again, no one could expect Tom Brady.

In the Patriots 2001 media guide, there are 26 pages devoted to Bledsoe and slightly less than three-quarters of a page devoted to Brady.

(The Man is sympathetic to Brady on this count. In my parents' holiday card this year, the accompanying newsletter went on for six paragraphs about my brother's blossoming career - with several photographs of his picture-perfect family - while they simply listed my date of birth along with a police sketch artist's drawing. Something tells me I'm going to be contesting the will.)

Brady, who apparently was born in San Mateo and majored in organizational studies at Michigan (according to the media guide), has responded by completing 247 of 384 attempts for 2,645 yards, 17 touchdowns, 10 interceptions and an 88.3 passer rating.

So you put Belichick and Brady together and you get the most unlikely feel-good story since ``Stanley and Iris.''

(NFL note: The Chargers' Mike Riley, the first coach ever to lead a Team of Destiny awry, became the first NFL coach to be fired this season. This was no accident. What, you don't think The Man is connected? Hey, you go from 5-2 to 5-11 on my watch and you're lucky you don't get a horse's head in your soup.)

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

--Patriots (-6 1/2) at Panthers: German philosopher Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once wrote, ``Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse.'' I believe he was a Panthers fan. Pick: Patriots.

--Cardinals at Redskins (-3 1/2): Any time he sees a blitz, Tony Banks freezes like Microsoft Windows 98. With Cardinals out of playoff hunt, Arizona fans can now concentrate on flea-and-tick season. Pick: Redskins.

--Vikings at Ravens (-10): Cris Carter helping Randy Moss ``develop as an NFL player'' in Minnesota appears to be as sound a decision as the U.S. helping Saddam Hussein ``consolidate his power'' in Iraq. Pick: Vikings.

--Jets at Raiders (-5): I'd like to defend Paul Hackett and Vinny Testaverde for their actions last Sunday, but as Rick said in ``Casablanca,'' ``I stick my neck out for nobody.'' Pick: Raiders.

--Cowboys (-3) at Lions: Emmitt Smith quietly checking if NFL Europe rushing yardage would count toward his career march past Walter Payton. Pick: Lions.

--Browns at Steelers (-7): I wish folks would stop overanalyzing Kordell Stewart's turnaround. As Freud observed, ``Sometimes a good cigar is just a good cigar.'' Pick: Browns.

--Eagles at Buccaneers (-3): This one doesn't count, so Warren Sapp is going to lip-sync his trash-talking. Pick: Eagles.

--Chiefs at Seahawks (-3 1/2): Trent Dilfer is 3-0 this season, Matt Hasselbeck is 5-7. As the judge said at my first divorce hearing, ``Case closed.'' Pick: Chiefs.

--Bills at Dolphins (-7): To make Bills feel at home, Dolphins will plow 82 inches of snow onto Buffalo sideline. Pick: Dolphins.

--Packers (-3) at Giants: Giants cornerbacks couldn't cover a twin bed. Actually, this is the year Giants have that 8-8 look. Pick: Giants.

--Jaguars at Bears (-5 1/2): Mark Brunell is taking more hits than Anna Kournikova's Web site. Pick: Bears.

--Bengals at Titans (-6): When Bengals' Neil Rackers practices kicks on sideline, he usually misses the net. Pick: Titans.

--Broncos at Colts (-2 1/2): Colts' pass defense to be featured on next ``Unsolved Mysteries.'' Pick: Colts.

--Falcons at Rams (-15): Kurt Warner pleased that subscription rate was slashed for his hometown paper, the Weekly World News. Pick: Rams.

--49ers (-2) at Saints: Alcohol sales now restricted at Superdome - fans can only drink beer as a chaser. Pick: 49ers.

Last week: 8-6-1.

Season record: 98-120-12.*

(* To those of you writing me every week about my record, believe it or not, I already know what it is.)