BEING A SECRET AGENT SURE HAS ITS DRAWBACKS.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

For all of its rock 'em, sock 'em pyrotechnics and me-Tarzan swinging and brain-bursting (and I mean that literally) explosions, the best scene in J.J. Abrams' overheated, brutally efficient and relatively joyless ``Mission: Impossible III'' might just be its first.

It's just tight close-ups of secret-agent man Tom Cruise and blase bad guy Philip Seymour Hoffman (last seen together standing over Jason Robards' bed in ``Magnolia'') squaring off with Hoffman threatening to put a bullet in the head of a mystery woman unless Cruise gives him what he wants. Cruise's face has been beaten to a pulp; Hoffman's eyes betray a twinkle of enjoyment that's emphasized again later when he calmly tells Cruise that torturing a young woman was ``nothing ... that was fun.''

That initial confrontation seems to set up what will be a movie-long battle between Cruise's marathon man Ethan Hunt and Owen Davian, Hoffman's amoral arms dealer. But then Hoffman disappears for a long stretch and Abrams, directing and sharing writing duties with ``Alias'' colleagues Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, never bothers to give Davian much of an identity besides Master of Disaster, Evil with a capital E. Davian exists simply to threaten Ethan.

Apparently, anything beyond that would distract from Cruise's piston-popping energy. (As if anything could - just ask Oprah.)

``M:I III'' does fly for about 45 minutes, particularly during a sequence where Ethan goes undercover at the Vatican to snatch both Davian and the movie's MacGuffin. The series' penchant for masks and disguises again comes into play, but in a good way, resulting as it does in a scene that gives us two Hoffmans for the price of one.

Elsewhere, the action swings from Berlin to Shanghai, incorporates a love interest (Michelle Monaghan) for Ethan (and a lot of yakking about how spies can't have real relationships - as opposed to, say, movie stars?), includes a few grace notes from series stalwart Ving Rhames and adds in the usual in-house double-crossing, which, unfortunately, seems as forced as Cruise's grin-and-grimace routine.

(There's also a laughable stab at post-9/11 relevance in a story that had, up to that point, been deliberately hazy on the details.)

Abrams directs his first feature film with a workmanlike efficiency that gets the job done but lacks the distinctive style and visual flash that made Brian De Palma's first ``Mission'' movie so much fun.

De Palma's original caught flak for its supposedly inscrutable story line. Abrams and team take care of that with a meat-and-potatoes script that emphasizes peril over plot. It does crackle with energy, but ``M:I III'' feels like yesterday's news, so 20th century.

Glenn Whipp [phone]

glenn.whipp(at)dailynews.com

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III - Two and one half stars

(PG-13: intense sequences of frenetic violence and menace, disturbing images, some sensuality.)

Starring: Tom Cruise, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ving Rhames, Michelle Monaghan.

Director: J.J. Abrams.

Running time: 2 hr. 6 min.

In a nutshell: Brutally efficient, relatively joyless, not enough Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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Tom Cruise saves himself - and Michelle Monaghan - from evil in ``Mission: Impossible III.''