BEING A GOOD SPORT : A CHILD'S ENJOYMENT OF ATHLETIC ACTIVITY GOES HAND IN GLOVE WITH PARENTS' ATTITUDES.

Byline: Betty Kwong Daily News Staff Writer

Next time you see an enthusiastic father lobbing a ball at his little boy on a sunny weekend morning, take a second look. It may not be such an idyllic image.

``The kid's got a great big glove and Dad's throwing a hard ball that, if it hits you, it hurts. They're giving him a big bat that's so heavy he can hardly hold it up,'' said Fred Engh, president and founder of the National Alliance for Youth Sports.

``And we wonder why children get frustrated.''

There's a fine line between encouraging children to take up healthful activities and pushing them to the point of frustration.

Most parents put their children in recreational programs with the best of intentions, but in a society where one-upmanship has become a sport unto itself among success-driven adults, it's all too easy for some parents to cross that line.

``Just as they're competitive in academics, they want their child to have that edge in sports,'' said Susan Kalish, who wrote ``Your Child's Fitness: Practical Advice for Parents'' (Human Kinetics; $14.95) and is executive director of American Running and Fitness Association in Bethesda, Md.

Of the 20 million children participating in organized sports in America, some start as early as 3 years old.

Experts say parents would do better to exercise restraint if they don't want their children burned out on sports by the time they're out of grade school.

So, before you run out this summer and sign your youngster up for the hottest sport in town, lighten up. For most children younger than 10, ``sport'' is just another word for ``play.''

``We, as adults, put up the scores, we put up the standings. Then we put up championships and all-star games so we can boast that our child was in an all-star game,'' Engh said.

``By the age of 13, 70 percent of children have dropped out of sports,'' he said. ``The No. 1 reason was because it ceased to be fun. The pressure from coaches and parents made it so that they didn't want to participate anymore.''

To be sure, most parents are more like June Kester of Northridge. Her 9-year-old daughter, Elizabeth, had tried ballet and soccer, and asked one day to try gymnastics. Kester enrolled her daughter in a recreational class at a nearby park and eventually moved on to a weekly class at Chatsworth Gymnastics Center.

Elizabeth, who recently mastered a front handspring, has been taking gymnastics for 2-1/2 years now, with no competitive intentions. That's just the way her mother likes it.

``I'm perfectly happy not to have that pressure. I don't think it's worth that,'' Kester said. ``If somebody has a lot of talent, maybe. But so far this is just for fun. ... And I think that's what she needs at this point in her life.''

For Suzanne Frew of North Hills, choosing horseback riding - which can be a highly competitive sport - for her daughter, Jennifer, was just a chance experiment.

``I wanted to give her something more than a couple of Barbie dolls and some clothes for her birthday,'' Frew said. ``I wanted to put money toward something that would help her grow and mature, so I put my money in horseback riding.''

Jennifer, then 9, had shown general interest in horses before, and Frew thought it might be fun to try. That was three years ago.

These days, Jennifer rides with the best of her adult cohorts.

``It's given her a real good sense of who she is; it's helped her self-esteem; she's very proud of herself,'' Frew said.

``I wasn't positive that this was going to be something that she was going to fall in love with, but looks like my intuition was right,'' said Frew, who works to pay for her daughter's twice-weekly group lessons.

Like Kester, Frew introduced her daughter to the sport with no pressures to excel.

``If she wanted to do it, we would continue. If she didn't want to do it, we would find something else,'' Frew said. ``It just turned out to be something that's lasted three years, and I don't think it's going to stop anytime soon.''

Engh, a regular guest on the radio talk-show circuit, said the perennial question from parents is always: When should I start my child in a certain sport?

Kalish's answer: A child's readiness for a sport has less to do with chronological age than developmental maturity and strong interest.

It's one thing to enroll your Power Rangers-crazed 7-year-old in martial arts classes, Kalish said. But she won't stick with it long unless she's also mature enough to handle the mental discipline the sport demands.

Then, consider the child's skill level.

Engh estimates that half the children in America are playing sports that they're not prepared for physically.

In 1993, the National Alliance for Youth Sports commissioned a study through Northern Kentucky University that ran 1,100 Cincinnati children, ages 6 to 8, through ``physical readiness'' tests to check their abilities to perform simple actions such as catching, throwing, kicking or hitting against standards for speed, distance or accuracy.

It turns out 49 percent did not meet the minimum requirements for physical readiness. Only 10 percent met the basic minimum requirements, Engh said.

The alliance responded by creating Start Smart, an eight-week program that combines parental involvement with soft equipment to teach children athletic skills in a safe and noncompetitive environment.

Engh hastens to add a fifth determinant of whether a child should begin a sport: the parent's readiness. He cringes at the memory of a father chastising his son for placing second in a swim meet.

``He told his son: `You're nothing but the scum of the Earth because you didn't try,' '' Engh said.

``There's a tremendous pressure that winning at all cost is what it's all about,'' he said. ``In the name of making children tough, we're destroying rather than building.''

Overwhelmingly enthusiastic parents aren't necessarily in the clear either.

Judy Young, executive director of the National Association for Sport and Physical Education in Reston, Va., cautions against the damage parents unwittingly can do.

``Even when they're very positive with their children, they can be sending the wrong message,'' she said.

Young watched a puzzled look fall across a young boy's face once when, after his passable performance in a timed swim trial, his mother poured on the praise.

``The mother was going nuts: `That was great! Johnny did so well!' She was sending the message that this was a really big deal,'' she said. ``She wasn't doing anything that was overtly bad. But he was probably thinking, `This is really important to her. If I do badly, she'll really be upset.' ''

So when is a child ready for sports?

``When you, as a parent, are ready for your child to play sports,'' Engh said.

Selecting your starting lineup

For a free copy of ``Kids in Action: Fitness for Children,'' an illustrated booklet with exercises parents can do with children ages 2 to 6, write to the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports, 701 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W., Suite 250, Washington, D.C. 20004.

For information about the National Alliance for Youth Sports' Start Smart program, call the alliance at [phone] or write to the alliance at 2050 Vista Parkway, West Palm Beach, Fla. 33411.

For a free brochure on child fitness, send a business-size, self-addressed, stamped envelope (55 cents postage) to the American Running and Fitness Association, 4405 East West Highway, Suite 405, Bethesda, Md. 20814.

For a free copy of ``Parent's Checklist for Quality Sport and Physical Activity Programs,'' send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the National Association for Sport and Physical Education, 1900 Association Drive, Reston, Va. 22091.

CAPTION(S):

7 Photos, Chart, Box

Photo: (1--Cover--Color) Child's play

Gettin g children involved in sports is great, but when are parents pushing too hard?

(2-4) ``I wanted to put money toward something that would help her grow and mature, so I put my money in horseback riding,'' says Suzanne Frew, above left, with daughter Jennifer, 11. Above, Jennifer guides a horse named R2D2 through the course at the Los Angeles Equestrian Center.

Tina Gerson/Daily News

(5) These youngsters take a crack at Little League, the initiation into sports for so many youths.

Myung J. Chun/Daily News

(6) Deena Garcia, 14, tests her strength and coordination as she executes a flip in a gymnastics class.

David Crane/Daily News

(7) After trying ballet and soccer, Elizabeth Kester, 9, asked to try gymnastics.

David Crane/Daily News

Chart: GAMES CHILDREN PLAY

Age isn't the only - or even the first - consideration when choosing a sport for your youngster. Besides cost and overall physical benefits, a sport should fit your child's maturity level and interests.

Box: Selecting your starting lineup (See text)