BEER, BURGERS ... AND POUNDING BEAT AT HARD ROCK.

Byline: Larry Lipson Daily News Restaurant Critic

The booth seats are wooden - yes, one could justifiably say they're rock hard at the new Hard Rock Cafe in Universal City.

But this isn't a place where comfort is that important. In fact, the food isn't, either.

At our initial visit, the first thing the waitress did was ask us if we would fill out our merchandise order so it would be ready at our departure. She appeared surprised when we indicated we would prefer to look at the menu and order something to eat as soon as possible.

So you know what's important here.

There's a high-decibel assault on the ears, a nonstop barrage of recorded rock 'n' roll so loud that when a group of staffers, one carrying a candle-topped dessert, marched over to a nearby table to serenade a birthday celebrant, we could only see their mouths moving as they sang "Happy Birthday."

For those who love this kind of scene, a dramatically conceived rock-music museum with a bar and tables on three levels, the food is incidental. At worst, the food is passable, and at best, it can be surprisingly tasty.

The Hard Rock doesn't gouge you with ridiculous prices, but you won't find any bargains, either.

The "hand-patted" -1/3-pound burgers are the big thing here. And they're not bad. The turkey burger ($6.95) wasn't particularly impressive. The cheeseburger with bacon and guacamole ($7.25) gets my vote as the Hard Rock's best.

I hate house salads that are heaped onto a tiny plate and automatically spill all over the place when you try to eat them. That's the way they are here, the ones that come with a surprisingly satisfying grilled half chicken ($8.95) with subtle lime flavoring or a 20-ounce T-bone steak ($13.95) that could have been juicier one night.

Fountain treats and desserts are lumped together on the Hard Rock's menu, which, like the beverage list, offers a number of items for which you pay $3.50 or $4 to keep the glass emblazoned with the famous logo.

Incidentally, June 14 marks a quarter of a century since the first Hard Rock opened on Park Lane in London.

THE FACTS

The restaurant: Hard Rock Cafe.

Where: 1000 Universal Center Drive, Universal City.

When: Open for lunch, dinner and snacks from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. daily.

Recommended items: Chili, lime barbecued chicken, burgers, ahi tuna sandwich, cheesecake.

How much: Starters from $3 to $6.50, salads and sandwiches from $6 to $10, entrees from $9 to $14, desserts from $3.50 to 4.50. Full bar. Major credit cards.

Wine list: Very limited stock. Own label red and white house wines are reasonably priced. One California sparkler and a couple of major producer labels (solo offerings of chardonnay, merlot and cabernet sauvignon). Bass, Samuel Adams and Rolling Rock are best bottled brews.

Reservations: Not taken. You get a vibrating pager that lets you know when your table is ready, even when there are seemingly a number of tables available.

Our rating: Two Stars for food; Three Stars for service; One Star for wine.