BATTLE OF THE SEXES A GAME OF SHOW AND TELL WITH VENUSIAN CYBILL SHEPHERD.

Byline: Fred Shuster Staff Writer

Cybill Shepherd certainly knows a thing or two about relationships, which is why we'd thought we'd ask how to handle a few things.

According to her memoirs, she has survived affairs with Elvis Presley, director Peter Bogdanovich and many others, and spent 30 years navigating the ups and downs of a Hollywood career.

The Memphis-bred Shepherd, who got her first break as the high school flirt in 1971's ``The Last Picture Show'' and in the late '80s co-starred with Bruce Willis in TV's popular ``Moonlighting,'' has returned to TV with the weekday sex-and-love panel discussion ``Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus,'' which is broadcast at 10 a.m. on NBC (Channel 4).

The syndicated daytime talk program, based on the series of books by John Gray and produced by Merv Griffin, boasts a similar format to ABC's ``Politically Incorrect,'' the topical roundtable hosted by Bill Maher.

Former CBS News entertainment reporter Eleanor Mondale had previously been attached to ``Mars,'' but that deal fell through and Shepherd, 50, and a mother of three, was hired.

But knowing a thing or two about relationships doesn't necessarily make you more successful than anyone else at making them work. The twice-divorced Shepherd, who is also a singer and former model, is acutely aware of that. After a four-year romance, her fiance packed up and moved out of the Encino house they shared two years ago.

``It's been a life dream of mine to host my own talk show,'' the easygoing Shepherd said last week during a break in taping at Sony's Culver City lot. ``At the end of (CBS' half-hour comedy series) 'Cybill,' there was this cloud of confusion and blame. That's why I decided to write my memoirs. And I think that book reprieved my reputation in my industry. I tried to make it clear what went wrong. After doing a series of interviews on the book for TV, I was approached to develop my own show, but this one came along.''

``Mars'' will feature two men and two women each day, along with man-on-the-street interviews, with four-time Golden Globe winner and Emmy nominee Shepherd being the one constant. The panel will include newsmakers, celebrities and ordinary people talking about topics relating to men and women in everyday situations.

We sat the outspoken Shepherd down and asked about her own reactions to romantic situations as an early taste of the opinions she will express on ``Mars.''

Q: Affairs in the workplace - are they ever a good idea?

A: ``We have a saying in Hollywood: 'Never go below the line if you're above the line.' I had a lot of fun in my life, but I feel I never had that appropriate boundary. It's just better not to be sexually involved with people you work with. I've learned that the hard way. I often had affairs with people I work with, and you want to avoid that if at all possible. That's one of my rules now - not to get involved with people I work with.''

Q: Does age matter if the sparks fly? Can it work for a 30-year-old and a 60-year-old, for example?

A: ``I don't think there should be age rules. We're always seeing men with younger women in movies and television, and I don't see anything wrong with that or older women and younger men, which is also happening at least as much but doesn't get reflected as much. It's nothing new, and I don't see anything wrong with it. The different ages have something to teach. When I was first single again and I was at a music festival, I was looking around to see who was looking at me, and I noticed that my eye went to a guy with gray hair and I would find his eye going to the women who was 25. Whatever floats your boat.''

Q: How do you dump someone gracefully?

A: ``The last serious relationship I had, I was dumped and didn't see it coming. Looking back, I understand it, and see it, but at the time I did not see it coming. It was like being run down from behind. The feeling of guilt and responsibility was hard to deal with, but it turned out to be a good thing. I'm sure I did my share of the bad part of dumping. The most honorable way is face-to-face and be very honest. But that's a little scary, and being who I am, I have to be extremely careful because if I leave a message on a phone machine or write someone a letter, it could end up in the tabloids.''

Q: Who pays on a date?

A: ``That is the weirdest thing, the hardest thing to figure out. The wisdom goes, that whoever invites you out, pays. I've been so burned by men who were coming after my money that I want whoever I'm going out with to pay because I'm so untrusting I have to see what a man has to give. Because I know I can give. I have to see what he brings to the table. Money is power, but there are so many ways to give. Right now, my last serious relationship, someone really tried to take me from a money standpoint. So, I want the man to always pay. I've gotta be sure I'm giving to someone who can give, too. It takes two to tango.''

Q: Do you believe in setting ground rules before moving in together or getting married?

A: ``I'm marriage-phobic. I've been married twice and that whole thing about being a wife and the husband being king of the castle makes me break out in hives. But I'm not a commitment-phobic. As for living together, nobody's figured that out. And we're all going to make mistakes. I think you have to take it on an individual case. My daughter got married very young, at 20 years old, and everyone said, 'She's so young, aren't you worried?' But I supported her on her journey. And every couple's different. But I am a tremendous believer in a legal document that says what you own is yours and what I own is mine, and we'll decide what's ours together. And anyone that resists is suspect.''

Q: How many dates until it's OK to have sex?

A: ``Everybody's always saying, 'Wait, wait, wait, wait,' and 'Don't have sex until you know the person.' But I was a product of the whole sex-drugs-and-rock-'n'-roll thing. I believed I had the right to have sexual pleasure as a woman where I wasn't emotionally involved. I also found that sex where the two people agree that this is not going to go further than the bedroom with no strings attached is like Russian roulette. I've ended up being smitten and having my heart broken, and I've had that happen to the man. I'll say that I had a lot more sexual partners when I had sex spontaneously. But this is a different time.''

Q: Does Hollywood hate women over 40 and love men over 40?

A: ``That's changed. More women over 40 work outside the home, and Hollywood is beginning to reflect that. We have more power, money, success and self-knowledge than any group our age has ever had. I don't know about the hate. I don't think I would get the chance to host a talk show at 50 if that were true. But there are so many interesting stories that don't get told. But look how many women over 40 are coming back this year - Christine Baranski, me, Geena Davis, Bette Midler. I used to say Hollywood was the Bermuda Triangle for women over 40, but I think that's changing. We love teen-age boys and older men, but maybe those are not the only stories we want to tell.''

``MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS''

What: Cybill Shepherd hosts a daily panel discussion exploring the differences between men and women.

Where: NBC (Channel 4).

When: 10 a.m. weekdays.

CAPTION(S):

3 photos

Photo:

(1 -- cover -- color) Cybill Shepherd talks about love, sex and what it's like when `Women Are From Venus'

(2) no caption (Cybill Sheperd)

(3) ``That whole thing about being a wife and the husband being king of the castle makes me break out in hives, '' says Cybill Shepherd, host of ``Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.''