BASEBALL ON VERGE OF DESTRUCTION.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH

Baseball has left the building. With the timing of a Major League Baseball Players Association strike date announcement on the already emotionally draining 25th anniversary of Elvis' death, what other way is there to put it?

Look at the similarities.

Here's a bloated, self-destructive, completely delusional group of players who've ripped a huge hole in the seat of their jumpsuits, telling their reps to go on and set this Aug. 30 deadline because it's the only way to get Colonel Bud Selig and his Milwaukee Mafia to pay attention.

They ain't nuthin' but hound dogs, barking up the wrong tree.

This, my pampered pompadours, is a public relations disaster. You've established the date of Armageddon. It did not have to come to this.

You called this strike date, your union boss insists, because you don't want a strike. Logic like that will get him the CEO position with Enron after you're all unemployed.

Oh, and this will force the issue and make both sides get things solved real soon, you reason. You must not have read up much on baseball history. In eight previous work stoppages, it's been tougher and tougher to brainwash fans into coming back.

Nine strikes and you're out on your own. We'll be looking for some replacement players - Elvis impersonators, if that makes understanding it any easier - who are willing to play harder for less money and actually appreciate their lot in life.

This isn't a money issue now, it's about ego. And thanks to this little stunt, you've just made baseball the most despised of all professional sports by going public with this.

We all have more than suspicious minds now. Just take a look at what people who care the most and ultimately pay your multimillion-dollar salaries are saying today.

In a poll on ESPN SportsCenter asking, ``Will there be a strike?'' the answer ``yes'' had by far the most response with 42 percent of 75,000 votes.

An ESPN.com polls starts: ``Now that a strike date is set, as a baseball fan I ...'' The top responser is ``can't wait for football'' (47.7 percent).

Another ESPN poll wants to know: ``If there is no work stoppage, will you have lost any of your passion for baseball?'' Two-thirds of 37,000-plus voted yes.

On CBS SportsLine.com, they wondered: ``When will the MLB players and owners reach agreement?'' Not until next year, say 36.6 percent. Another 28 percent think it'll be never.

On FoxSports.com: ``Will setting a strike date help or hurt MLB labor negotiations?'' Only 14 percent felt it would force parties to accelerate negotiations. Almost 50 percent said it would exacerbate existing bad blood.

At MSNBC.com, they want to know which side in the baseball labor dispute you're rooting for. Eighty-nine of the 45,000 voters are with the owners after this little stunt. The same question was posed on CNNSI.com, and three-fourths of 44,000 voters said they were fed up with both sides.

Put that in your peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich and try to down it without gagging.

Why has it become so exhausting, so draining, to be a fan of the game? Investing all that time in the first few months of the season only to see it pushed off a cliff with a rock around its waist is just a waste for all involved.

Before the weekend's over, there'll be more clips all over the TV of the old, dilapidated Elvis making his final Vegas concert appearances. Fans who didn't want to believe their eyes still tried to kiss him, throw their panties at him, worship him as the King of Rock n' Roll.

But sick in body, sick in mind, sick in soul, he eventually imploded like the old Kingdome. He became his own worst enemy, a punch line to bad jokes. And when he was gone, everyone cried.

Baseball has serious problems that need serious attention. Whether they listen, and whether anyone will shed a tear when the sport collapses under its own weight is up for debate. Because right now, apathy seems to be the prevailing sentiment.

OK guys, it's now or never. Don't be cruel.