Ayoon wa Azan (My Heart Is Heavy, Sarcasm Is My Only Solace).

Byline: Jihad el-Khazen

I feel that this world is like an automated car wash at a gas station. The Arabs go in there riding a bicycle.

Arabs got bullied and I cannot but mock the low situation we have reached. I ask: Do the Palestinians deserve a holy land? Do the Lebanese deserve the beautiful country they have? I leave every other Arab to ask himself and answer truly whether he deserves his country or not.

Looking at the Olympics, I console myself saying that no matter how complicated our troubles are and how great our scandals become, there are 1300 million Chinese who do not care about us.

There are also 1000 million Indians who do not care about us.

When I was a little one, famine struck India. As I remember, people all over the world donated for poor Indians (different than the Indian fakirs that sleep on a bed of nails). Now, India and China are two advanced industrialized nations. As for us Arabs, we have retreated. The dynamics of backwardness drive us in the opposite direction.

We are spectators, we do not only watch the outside world, but also our own causes. Everyone is concerned and affected by Lebanon, Palestine and Iraq, everyone but us. We have no role to play in own causes, let alone the causes of others.

I ask the reader: Have you seen any role assigned to any Arab in Star Wars movies? I guess it is because the Arabs will have no role to play in the future either.

We are only ahead of the West in time difference: two hours ahead of London and eight hours ahead of New York. Today, I re-note something that applies to us in the first place: an airplane captain tells the passengers upon landing in an Arab capital, "You are now in an Arab country, please set your watches 20 years back."

The hypnotist swings a shiny metal chain before the eyes of an Arab until he dozes off and then tells him, "You are now in the North Pole." The Arab trembles with cold and rubs his arms for warmth. Then the hypnotist says, "You are now in the Western Sahara." The Arab starts sweating. Finally, the hypnotist says, "You are now in a democratic country; you have an apartment and a job." At that moment, the Arab opens one eye, looks at him and says, "If you wake me up, I will kill you."

Arabs never get what they wish for, not even in dreams because they are all nightmares. If he ever woke up, he would be living in a nonexistent past. He recalls the wise Rashidun Caliphs, but forgets that three of them were assassinated and that the rule was usurped after them. He recalls Dar el Hikma (House of Wisdom) but forgets Diwan el Mihna (Hall of Trouble). He also remembers Andalusia and forgets that its rulers stood with the Europeans against one another.

I use for my country what was once said about Ireland: It does not have a present or a future; it merely has a past that is repeated time after time.

Today, even if the Arab country was half-democratic and carried out half-fake elections, voters choose thieves or idiots. Perhaps the reason is that the people need someone to represent them in Parliament.

If I were to form an Arab political party, I would choose "Do Not Know" as its name, because every Arab public poll shows that the majority are those who do not know the answer. Of course, the majority party will not necessarily rule in an Arab country. We do not have a country where the rule is for the majorityC* or even the minority for that matter.

Does the reader note how much they are ahead of us in the East and West? Even the mafia there is called organized crime. In our countries, the government itself is unorganized. Perhaps that is why our governments do not take decisions, but embrace the decisions taken on their behalf. This brings me back to the missing role, domestically and externally. Perhaps it is better not to take any decision. The government usually takes the wrong decision. It can eventually avoid a mistake by not taking a decision and then say that not taking a decision is a decision per se.

In such a situation, we understand the absence of freedom of speech in the Arab world. Therefore, we exercise the freedom of not hearing. We are still calling for freedom of the press; they surpassed this and started asking for freedom from the press.

What would our press say had it been free? It would say that dead in all wars and terrorist acts were Arabs and Muslims; that if the democratic West did not kill them in the name of freedom they would kill each other, from Darfur to Afghanistan, Pakistan and the countries in between.

Of course, Americans visit our countries as tourists sometimes. If not, the U

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