Axis of egos.

All the good news the high court highlighted just how bad the news has been. The Supremes upheld affirmative action at the University of Michigan and then struck down sodomy laws across the land.

Prior to the Supreme stunner, the Ontario Court of Appeals had ruled that the exclusion of gays from the institution of marriage is "illogical, offensive, and unjustifiable." Oh, Canada, I could drink a case of you. Then Michael Savage of MSNBC's Savage Nation told a caller/sodomist, "You should only get AIDS and die, you pig." The good news: MSNBC fired him, but then congratulated itself too mightily.

The Supremes' decisions were all too much for the supremacist Strom Thurmond. And they were way too much for Pat Robertson. In "Operation Supreme Court Freedom," he took a prayerful contract out on certain Supreme Court justices. They remained unnamed, but the congregation was given ailment hints: "One is eighty-three years old, one has cancer, one has a heart condition." The Don of the 700 Club closed his eyes and prayed discreetly, "Would it not be possible for God to put it into the minds of these judges to retire?"

A week later, at the dedication ceremony for the opening of the Constitution Museum in Philadelphia, his prayers were almost answered. When the justices pulled streamers to drop the scrim in front of the Constitution, a support beam dropped instead and was almost put into the brain of Sandra Day O'Swing Vote.

The 6-to-3 sodomy decision featured that Axis of Egos: Rehnquist, Thomas, and Scalia. Thomas, who had dissented in the affirmative action case because he did not want anyone else to experience the catastrophic success he's had to endure, dismissed the Texas sodomy law as "silly." That left the real vituperation to Scalia.

The Scalia of Justice did not disappoint. He railed that the decision was nothing more than a victory for the gay agenda in the ongoing culture wars and expressed dismay that it would lead to gay marriage. That activated Trent's stunt double, Dr. Bill Frist, to threaten a new constitutional amendment called "The Marriage Limitation Amendment," i.e., marriage is between one man and one woman and she shall be submissive unto him and make her loins available to him every day.

I'm no America Frister, yet it has taken me a long time to warm to same-sex marriage. One of the cool things about being gay was always that you didn't have to get married. If marriage is so natural, why the need for its constant defense, the elaborate ceremonies, the marriage benefit, the tax credits for children? Perhaps it's a conspiracy. If you want gay people to stop having sex, have them get married.

While I do believe gay people are entitled to every right and ritual straight people sort of enjoy, we have opted for the short form. As if co-signing monster mortgage payment papers were not commitment enough, my partner and I recently became Domestic Partners in the State of New York. We are registered at Target.

She used to be my unindicted co-conspirator; now she's my cultural war bride. In a simple ceremony at City Hall, next to the window where you could register to be a lobbyist, we paid $20 for our papers. That's $10 less than a marriage certificate, but we do get fewer perks. Because of our new status, I am entitled to visit my DP in jail. Given that the Republicans are going to hold their convention a few blocks from our apartment, that is a very attractive feature.

Kate "I'm off to emcee Canada's Gay Newlywed Game" Clinton is a humorist.