Assisted living and elder care in the Valley: senior care during the back-to-school rush.

Caring for the elderly--a family affair for thousands of households across the U.S.--requires a special action plan when kids go back to school, according to a well-known leadership expert and a local eldercare company.

Nearly one-quarter of American adults (23 percent) currently provides companionship or assistance with daily living to an elderly parent or relative, according to a study released earlier this year for Home Instead Senior Care by Harris Interactive.

While each family caregiving situation is different, stress is a common denominator.

And stress and time demands often increase during times of change, like late summer through the first few months of fall, when children prepare to go back to school and get involved with fall sports and other activities.

"During summer, children sometimes play an active role in the caregiving process, running errands and cleaning house for Grandpa and Grandma, or simply serving as a companion," said Jim Sample, owner of the Home instead Senior Care office serving Sherman Oaks, Studio City and the eastern San Fernando Valley. "Many times, those grandchildren provide heartfelt support when seniors are ill or recovering from sickness or surgery," said Sample, whose office is often called upon to provide respite for family care givers.

"Not only do many families lose that extra pair of hands in the fall, but their children start needing more help as well," said Suzanne Mintz, co-founder and president of the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA). "Life is always easier on an even keel. When your norm is disrupted, as during times of transition, the stress levels go up until a new norm is established," she said.

Home Instead Senior Care sees an increase in the number of families caught in this gap each autumn, when fall rituals throw their lives into turmoil again. People search outside the family when the pressures of homework, soccer and other activities become too much. Home Instead CAREGivers help seniors with meal preparation, housekeeping, errands and shopping, and other non-medical home care and companionship duties.

Deciding what's important by creating a plan of action and prioritizing are the keys to helping families maintain their sanity, said leadership expert Stephen Covey, whose books, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, have helped revolutionize how Americans manage their work and home lives. (Covey's new book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, will be released Nov. 9, 2004.)

Covey said he sees particular stress among working women who are trying to juggle the care of seniors and children. "My basic response is you've got to really decide what is very important so that you can learn to say 'no' to what is not that important, even though it has the feeling of urgency," Covey said. "If you can say 'no' guilt-free, that means you have a burning 'yes' about something that is more important."

Information for this article was provided by Home Instead Senior Care. For more information, contact Jim Sample at 818-783-9310.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Caregivers

Stephen Covey partners with Home Instead Senior Care to apply his 7 Habits to the unique role of a family caregiver. These habits can provide help to families who are struggling with back-to-school stress.

Be Proactive. Don't react to the stress of juggling a child's schedule and caring for your elderly loved one. Think and plan ahead to be prepared for this stressful time.

Begin with the End in Mind. If family is what is most important to you and part of your mission in life, contribute your time, energy and talents to that end. Put First Things First. Plan weekly and daily as a family and individually so you're focused and prepared to meet goals, appointments and obligations. Keep all this information in one planning tool that's always with you.

Think Win/Win. Approach the idea of caring for youngsters and elderly parents, and balancing school and work with a win/win attitude. You can foster an 'everyone can win' mentality as you work through creating an atmosphere that makes all family members feel loved and important. Meet together to establish parameters (everyone's roles and responsibilities) upfront so everyone feels good about the care situation.

Seek First to Understand ... Then to be Understood. Listen empathetically with your heart and your ears to your children and parents when concerns arise and relationships may be strained. Try to understand exactly why Grandma is crabby. Perhaps it's because she's losing her independence or she's not feeling well.

Synergize. Brainstorm to solve problems so that everyone feels a part of the solution. An older child might read to Grandma while Morn fixes dinner. Or Grandpa could help a youngster with homework. There are many ways to utilize our differences for the good of everyone.

Sharpen the Saw. Strive to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy. To do that, a family caregiver must take care of himself or herself. Make sure your own glass is filled and there's balance in all areas of your life so that you can renew yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and keep on giving.

"I find that the more I work with senior citizens the more I put them to work," Covey said. "If possible, they've got to get involved with their kids and grandkids in meaningful ways so they can help relieve the stresses in the home. And, best of all, they'll love it. They love being appreciated and valued. And when they feel how their grandkids look to them and listen to their wisdom, their whole world will change."