Assert yourself; how to put your foot down without stepping on others.

How to put your foot down without stepping on others

Why do some folks always seem to get what they want? You may know someone who has no trouble asking for - or getting - an extra day off or a hefty raise. The secret: assertiveness.

Assertiveness means standing up for yourself - without stepping on others. Assertive people aren't pushy. They're polite but insistent, and they exude self-confidence.

If assertiveness doesn't come easy to you, you're not alone. Years of social conditioning means that many African-Americans as well as other minorities have a tough time asserting themselves, says Marilyn Moats Kennedy, a career and management consultant in Wilmette, Ill.

You can't change years of conditioning overnight, but with practice you can get more of the things you want in your career. Here are some quick tips:

* Have a specific goal. Want to be taken more seriously at work? Break each problem down. Telling yourself, "I'm going to present my ideas at the next meeting," is a doable goal.

* Speak up. Don't expect others to be mind readers. Make your points without apology. Sometimes this means saying "no."

* Control your emotions. If you lose your temper or burst into tears, you've lost your case.

* Don't let problems build up. "Most people wait until they're furious before speaking up," says Kennedy. This leaves others "clueless" about why you're upset.

* Repeat yourself You probably won't get your message across the first time, or even the second. Say it often enough, and eventually you'll be heard.

* Be willing to compromise. Both sides can't always win, but a win-win situation is preferable.

The next time you want something, say so. Being assertive won't guarantee you'll get your way. But it'll certainly up your chances.