As wise as Solomom.

My midwife once told me that children are born lawyers. Not long ago I realized she was right. Every day I sit on the bench and dole out justice While they do their best to argue their cases and "win" for their side. And I am not alone.

"My kids were fighting over a toy in the car the other day," my friend Claire* confided with a slightly hysterical look in her eye. "I told them if they didn't stop, I would throw it away. They didn't stop. So I pulled over at a gas station, threw the toy in the garbage, and drove on. They didn't say a word."

I've heard lots of variations on this theme. I know moms who have thrown toys out of a moving vehicle, onto the side of the highway, and even one frustrated soul who threw a toy down the center of Main Street. Kids have a million squabbles a day (well, at least some days it seems like a million). There are entire weeks when it feels as if the only thing I do is referee squabbles and hand down rulings on what's "fair."

We need the wisdom of Solomon to keep the peace, our own peace included, when chaos reigns. Kids have an overdeveloped sense of fairness; the problem is that it's slanted toward what is most fair to themselves. This can work to our advantage. Take the "Split It With Your Sister" case. I confess I felt a certain smug satisfaction about this one.

In this particular case it was a cookie that was to be split in half. Normally one of the children would "split" the cookie and the splitee would set up a howl when the splitter took the biggest piece. This time, I told my son, he could cut the cookie ,in half, but his sister got to choose which piece she wanted. The result was that he split the cookie as if every atom counted.

My friend Annette has a card system. "I just got so sick of making up a punishment to fit the 'crime,'" she said. "And when I'd finally think of something, they would argue with me about it." In a stroke of genius, she wrote her children's most common problem areas on index cards. On the back of each card she wrote a "consequence" for each violation. For example, the first violation might result in 15 minutes earlier to bed. The second violation, no swimming privileges; the third, no friends over; and so on.

"Im much calmer now," she said. "I just take out the cards and quietly say, 'Well, now, it says on the card that this is the consequence for your behavior.' It's impossible to argue with a card."

In the daily argument list, sharing tops the charts. "Mom, s/he's playing with my toy. Make him/her give it back," is the usual opening argument for the "I Don't Want to Share" case. The dilemma is: do I force them to share, or do I respect personal property laws? My judgment has been, you do not have to share any toy, but, if you do not want to share a toy you must play with it by yourself in your room. The result: incentive without coercion.

Coming up with your own judgments really isn't that difficult, hut it does take some thought. Creative discipline usually doesn't present itself on the spur of the moment when tensions are running high. Solomon received wisdom simply by asking God, and we can too. Our job is every bit as important as his, even if it might be slightly less glamorous. []

Celeste perrino Walker faces the ongoing challenges of parenthood at her well-balanced home in Rutland, Vermont.

* Names have been changed to protect the desperate.