Around and around and around we go, now to board the plane--whoa!

So you decide to visit the relatives for the holidays. It's a long distance, but that's why we have airplanes. Traffic to the airport is normal for holiday time, meaning backed up three miles.

Never mind. You are finally approaching your terminal. You slow down, naturally, to get out of the car--but a police officer waves frantically, so you keep driving, figuring there must be an opening up ahead, and hey, lookie here, it's the "return to terminal" sign.

So you go around again. And this time you slow down, you almost stop--and a cop blows a whistle, and you're so freaked that you hit the gas, and hey, lookie here, it's the "return to terminal" sign again.

Eventually, you manage to make it inside and head for security.

To save time, you get completely naked, submit to a body cavity search, and hope the black roller bag you take off the belt is actually yours, since everyone in America has the same bag. Now, to your gate. It's inevitably at the end of the concourse. That is a rule of travel. Get used to it. And those moving walkways? The ones going your direction will not be working. Get used to it.

So you run. You sweat. But finally, gasping, there you are, at Gate 79. And your flight leaves at 2 p.m. And your watch says, by golly, 2 p.m. And the sign behind the counter says "on time." But 400 people are still sitting there.

At 4 p.m., the sign changes to "delayed."

You'd like to eat something, but the only places around are Cinnabon and Starbucks, both of which have lines like Toys "R" Us on Dec. 23.

Finally, after "maintenance issue" and "crew delay" and "airport hold" and "fog conditions," your plane takes off and lands, as expected. And your relatives come to pick you up. And by now you know exactly where to meet them.

Under the "return to terminal" sign.

Mitch Albom is the author of the bestsellers "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" and "Tuesdays With Morrie."