Are sexually demanding women a big turn- off?

Yes, they mostly are. Men seem to get quite intimidated by their bedroom demands

WOMAN on the top may be a sexy idea to sell in an increasingly stilettoed world, but men still want to be in that postion while in bed. All that talk of women finally taking the initiative and being sexually demanding has become too much to handle for Indian men, who prefer the ladies to lie back and enjoy for the most part.

"I think what they expect from their wives is different, compared to what they expect from some woman they have met recently and got close to, or even new girlfriends," says Meeta Mishra, an account executive at an ad firm. "A girl knowing what to do in bed more than he would suggest that the girl has been with many men before him, and that's not an idea they are comfortable with for a long run. But if the woman is a long-time girlfriend or wife, they are fine with the idea of confidence in bed."

Natasha Singh, an architect, says, "By going after what you want, you show your confidence, and that can be a put-off for a lot of men. It makes them nervous. They'd rather have you a little confused and lost for them to feel in charge. Things may have changed since the times women were broadly categorised into 'moral' and 'immoral', depending on the number of boyfriends they have had, but it's still going to be a long time for a guy to accept a woman who's demanding in bed."

In a country where more than 89 per cent of marriages are still arranged and most women still housewives, views towards sex are bound to be less liberal. "Sex is almost seen as a duty over here. It's only with this generation that's travelling and seeing the world more, that things appear to be changing. So an Indian man still views any act of sex in a more dogmatic way. He is in charge of the household, and he should also be in charge in bed. It's not compatibility that the Indian men seek from their partners."

Seventy two per cent of men in India prefer their wives to be virgin, according to a survey on 'What Indian Men Want', conducted by an India Today AC Nielsen Org Marg . "Indian men are largely mama's boys. They hardly have any independent life of their own. Their requirement of a wife follows very traditional parameters, mostly dependant on how well she can take care of the house, children, kitchen, my parents, etc. Even if this man falls for a woman in charge in bed for a short time, he is certainly not going to see her as a wife," says Tina Sharma, who is pursuing a degree in psychology, in the US. " Indian men especially compartmentalise women into many categories -- the fling kind, the girlfriend kind, and the ones they consider ' wife material', as many of my male friends call them. These men would never be too comfortable with the idea of a sexually- demanding woman. It would mean she has had plenty of previous experience, and that to them isn't a good thing." There are certain views that go against this general notion, but they are too few and far between to be considered a shift from norm. Like Swati Gupta, a travel executive, says, " I have met a few guys who are a refreshing change from the typical chauvinistic Indian males that you generally come across, but they are too few around indeed." Having travelled across the world she says, " A male- female divide exists all over the world, but in India, there's this extremely judgmental attitude towards women who have multiple sexual partners or know what they want in bed. It's so easy to call women who hop beds as s*** when the same behaviour by a man doesn't lead to judgment at least. I have seen it happen to many women at my workplace." S EXOLOGIST Prakash Kothari describing the Indian men's sexual behaviour, had once said: " Most Indian men use their wives as sleeping pills.

They have never devoted enough time to foreplay, or the act itself." In such a case when the woman takes the initiative, shouldn't it be good news? Logically and theoretically the answer to that question may be an affirmative one. But the practical world, especially in middle- class India is a different place.

Though sociologists have suggested that a society whose women are sexually confident is a progressive place, the mindset of Indian men isn't quite prepared to take this slow, but steady change that's seen all around us too well.

Singh says another reason for Indian men still conforming to age- old traditions is that they are less adaptable to change around them, and mostly view women as fulfiling roles in the man's lives rather than their own. " Most men I've come across have had their demands based on their priorities. Would she fit into my life is the basic question they ask themselves even before they have had the time to know the women as a person. So what bedroom behaviour can you expect out of them? I actually see them running as far as possible from confident women, in bed or out of it." The Alpha Female certainly isn't a concept that has caught on the fancy of most, though it's an idea that sells newsprint.

" Even if the idea is sexy when you think of it, when confronted in real life, the result is pretty different," says Sharma.

Agrees Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis Hospital: " In all fairness, men are trying, and some of them pretty hard, to accept this notion of the new independent woman, who is much more demanding than they are used to." Those demands could be emotional, financial or sexual. " But in reality when they face such a woman in their lives, or start living with them, things start to go wrong," Singh adds.

In her pre- marital counselling sessions she has come across highly educated men, even many who have spent quite a number of years studying abroad, but have had a difficult time adjusting to a demanding woman.

" The main problem lies in the fact that the idea they have of a woman while growing up is in no way similar to their view of a sexually desirable woman. It's only after they have formulated their basic opinion of life that they come across this new breed of confident women who are also demanding in bed," Singh says, adding, " At times when these two views clash, the results are disastrous. But things are slowly changing. At least men are aware of the demands now." Hopefully, this awareness will lead to a more equal partnership, in bed or out of it, in the coming years.

[e-mail]

Copyright 2009 India Today Group. All Rights Reserved.

Provided by Syndigate.info an Albawaba.com company