Answers 4 dancers.

TONY AWARD-WINNING CHOREOGRAPHER GROVER DALE IS EDITOR OF DANCE & FITNESS MAGAZINE. FOR THIS COLUMN, HE DRAWS ON HIS EXPERIENCES AND ASSOCIATIONS WITH 16 BROADWAY SHOWS, 8 FEATURE FILMS, AND OVER 100 TELEVISION SPECIALS.

MY DAUGHTER IS TRAPPED BETWEEN COLLEGE AND THE BIZ

I am writing to you as a mother of a dancer. We have insisted on her attending college; she is now in her second year with good grades, but has not focused on a major. All she is interested in is dance. Living in Louisiana does not help. She has been on a major college dance team, which placed very high in nationals, but there are not good dance or musical-theater college programs for her to take advantage of without going out of state (a major expense). She has won [at] numerous conventions and has taken advantage of these by going to L.A. every year to take classes, and this summer [she took classes] at Broadway Dance Center in New York City. She has been approached by a major convention owner who would like to recommend her to Disney for work. My question is should she go ahead and start working there and then try to move on to NYC, or transfer to an out-of-state college to pursue a degree first? Her dance training (ballet, tap, jazz, lyrical, and hip-hop) is excellent.

Worried Mom

Hmm. The parent dilemma! Being a parent myself, I know what concern for a child's future feels like. Out of love, we often step in to help. It sounds like you've taken on the task of seeking solutions for your daughter.

But the person who already has many of the answers may be your daughter. She alone knows what she's willing to do to have the career and/or education she wants. So get her directly involved in the work you've taken on. Relying on mom or dad can easily lead to co-dependency. Give her your love and support, but let her do the research. Each gain she makes can give her the message you surely want her to arrive at: "Hey, I think I can do this."

Many college-bound dancers have delayed enrolling for a year (or more) to give the biz a try. Spending a year navigating auditions, callbacks, typing out, agent representation, rehearsal procedures, and on-the-set politics can be an education that no university can provide (and no amount of money can buy). Experiencing the realities of dance employment will either confirm or alter the direction your daughter has chosen. She'll no longer be wondering what the biz is like--she'll know! Once that happens, the question of committing to four years and the costs of attending college can be answered by the person who matters most--your daughter.

MOM AND DAD REFUSE TO SUPPORT MY DANCING

I have been dancing for 9 of my 17 years and absolutely love it to death. I take ballet, pointe, modern jazz, hip-hop, and lyrical. There is only one problem: Mom and Dad do not support me and think that their money would be better invested somewhere else. How can I make them understand how important dance is to me and that I am considering it as part of my life for the future? I cannot pay for all my lessons with my part-time job, se I am at a dead end. Help!

Ash

The road to success has different rules for different people. All of them are valid. The hard part comes when the rules of the people we turn to for support are different from our own. When one of those people is a parent, the matter takes on bigger dimensions than we may realize. Without knowing how you and your family interact, I can only suggest more communication between you. Families that talk more together tend to walk more together. (You know what I mean!)

Recently, I heard from a 15-year-old dancer named Jessica who was blocked by a secret fear that she'd never have enough money to relocate to L.A. Once she conveyed how much dancing meant to her, she learned that her parents were willing to help. They volunteered to match every dollar Jessica saved from her babysitting and odd-job earnings. The nest egg she fretted over began to materialize because she was willing to talk about it. The parents' offer did two good things: It put half of the financial responsibility where it belonged (in Jessica's hands) and it showed Jessica how much her parents believed in her.

Talk more. Be as honest, courteous, and loving as you can. You may learn that your parents' intentions are well meant, emerging from concerns about the safety and well-being of someone they love. They may think they have your best interests at heart and do not want to see you set yourself up for disappointment by reaching too high. You can also look elsewhere for support. Other family members, your dance teacher, trusted friends, or school counselors may give you some guidance on approaching your parents.

Contact Grover Dale at these sites: www.dancemagazine.com www.answers4dancers.com www.auditions4dancers.com