Anniversary! Pampers and pizza.

Some time ago, I read a humorous article by Catholic mother and columnist Michaelanne Martin. Her story related how she and her husband celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary by fixing their roof, instead of buying diamonds. It reminded me of our own tenth anniversary, seven years ago. Nearly a year before the fact, my husband and I began discussing what we should do to celebrate the milestone. We felt we ought to do something "big." A few weeks later, we found out we already had. I discovered I was pregnant, and our baby was due right around the time of our anniversary in late October.

We'd talked about taking a special weekend trip without the kids--a sort of condensed second honeymoon. But as my due date was ascertained, we realized we didn't want to attempt this with a newborn baby and a tired, cranky, post-partum mother. We began to look elsewhere for ideas. I floated the notion of a diamond anniversary ring, but my husband quickly sank it. He is not a jewelry man, and besides, hadn't he survived the decade too? How would a diamond ring benefit him? How about a big screen TV? Sure, I replied, so I could watch him watching Hockey Night in Canada in larger-than-life brilliancy (the hockey, not the husband). Well, that went both ways--did he really want Mel Gibson coming to our home, life-size, in full colour, possibly without a shirt on?

Why not buy a new oak dining room suite, to replace our second-hand chrome/laminate dining table and mismatched vinyl chairs? That sounded great. However, as my pregnancy progressed, and we couldn't find what we wanted, I became less enthusiastic about trudging through furniture stores and dealing with overzealous salesmen. The dining room suite idea was put on hold as well.

Baby eventually arrived, exactly one week before our anniversary. I didn't even get taken out for a romantic dinner--nor did I want to. All I had the energy to do was park my Size Large sweatpants in a comfortable chair, put up my feet, and nurse the baby. In the end, we decided to order in pizza. We and our four children celebrated the grand occasion around the scuffed-up chrome table. It wasn't a picture that would have made a glossy magazine spread, or a scene in a family sitcom, but we had a wonderful time.

Ten years didn't seem like a long time to be married, but I guess these days it is. Over the years, we have watched (sometimes in disbelief, always with grief) as friends, relatives, co-workers, and even fellow parishioners have made their way through the heartbreak of separation and divorce (sometimes preceded by adultery).

I don't know why. I don't know why so many marriages have failed, or why ours has not. It seems simplistic to say, "It's the grace of God," but I don't know what else to attribute it to (certainly not our own merit). Maybe it's partially a realization that (as evangelizer Christopher West says) we are called to holy marriages, not necessarily happy marriages. And the pursuit of holiness does not lie in owning things, or going places, or seeking self-fulfillment (often at the expense of our spouse and children). It lies in putting yourself at the service of others. This is what we have always tried to do, even though at times, we do it so very imperfectly. The reward comes in experiencing that the pursuit of holiness frequently leads to happiness, and even the moments of suffering have redemptive value.

Now that we live in a time when marriage is under attack as never before, it is time to pray and sacrifice as never before. God will not be mocked; His holy will for mankind shall prevail, but how many souls will be lost in the interim? Perhaps we can't change laws, or society's opinions, but we can change the way we relate to our spouse and children.

God willing, our 20th anniversary will be upon us in a mere three years. I'd like to celebrate by building a spacious two-bedroom addition onto our small house for our six (so far) children. We'll probably end up ordering in Chinese food. Oh well, it's the thought, and the love, and the sanctity that counts.

Happy Anniversary, Dan; by God's grace, I'm looking forward to many more.

Mariette Ulrich writes from Scott, Saskatchewan.