Annie's Mailbox®, February 17

Dear Annie: When my son was 14, he was friends with "Tim," a boy who drank and did drugs at a young age, and who once stole his father's car and took my son joyriding around the neighborhood. Tim's parents pretty much stuck their heads in the sand and refused to believe their son was doing such things. I didn't want our son hanging out with Tim, but my husband thought the boy should be forgiven and gave our son permission to keep seeing him against my wishes.

That was four years ago. Tim, now 17, continued breaking the law and is currently serving time in a juvenile facility for various felony convictions. He will be getting out in a couple of months. I do not want him on my property or hanging out with my son (who does not use the best judgment when he is around Tim), but my husband still believes Tim should be forgiven.

My son will be 18 by the time Tim is released from the juvenile program. Please help. — Distraught and Worried

Dear Distraught and Worried: You can forgive Tim without letting him be an influence on your son. Inform your husband that forgiveness doesn't mean disregarding another's safety. It means you let go of your anger toward the person.

It is important to discuss your concerns with your son. Calmly explain that you expect Tim to contact him and why you think this is not in his best interests. Tell him you have confidence in his maturity and trust that he will not become involved in anything that will compromise his future happiness. Beyond that, have faith that you have raised him right.

Dear Annie: My family visited my parents for Christmas — a 600-mile journey. We exchanged gifts and my parents gave my teenage daughter a certificate to a day spa. She was thrilled and expressed it several times during the trip, after the trip, before we left for home and on the phone when we called to say we arrived safely. My daughter even created something homemade to say "thank you" before we left.

My parents now say they will not give her any more gifts because she did not write a thank-you note after she got home. I am not sure what to do. My daughter is understandably confused because she thought she DID thank them, but they are saying she did not do it "properly."

Should I make her write a letter to resolve this, or do you think this is a bit ridiculous? We've agreed to do what you think is best. — Ingrate's Mom

Dear Mom: Generally, under such circumstances, one does not need to write a thank-you note provided you thank the giver in person. Your daughter apparently did so quite profusely and gave her grandparents a homemade gift to emphasize her gratitude. (Did they send her a thank-you note?) Still, being right isn't the point and there's no reason to let this escalate into a major rift. Your parents want a written note. Ask your daughter to write one anyway. It's a small concession to please her grandparents.

Dear Annie: This is in response to "The First Wife." After 20 years of marriage, which included infidelities on my husband's part, I finally found the courage to leave him. I thought I owed it to my children to stay, but separating from my husband actually made things better. Because my husband was so needy and I was so insecure, he sucked up a lot of energy. I now have more time for my children.

Here are a few suggestions: Don't badmouth your ex or discuss the "other women" with your children. Don't rush into another relationship. Don't overindulge your children out of guilt. Boundaries help them feel secure. Take care of yourself, but always put your children first. Staying in my marriage was far more detrimental than separating. — Very Happy in Upstate N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Those are practical tips for any person who is divorcing. We're glad your decision worked out for the best.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [e-mail], or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE, INC.