And great joy was felt by all.

Byline: Bob Welch / The Register-Guard

TODAY, CHRISTMAS DAY, I harken back to a time long gone and, with apologies to St. Luke, recall an unforgettable children's Christmas play:

And it came to pass that there went out a decree from my son's preschool, that all teachers should be taxed to their emotional limits by having their students put on a Christmas program.

And all went to the stage to practice, each in his own little world, including Joseph, my son, who wore red high-tops and sported a semi-punk hairdo.

And I also went unto the school, in the city of Bellevue, Washington, for I had vowed to watch this miracle unfold, even if holiday traffic was the pits.

And with The Teacher were two assistants, who were great with patience, even during the first rehearsal when, in the middle of "Away in the Manger," an angel said unto them, "Teacher, I lost my lunch money."

And so it was that, while these 4-year-olds were there, The Teacher brought forth the script in a vast room, because there was no room in the classroom, being as the kids had recently packed Christmas presents for their parents using millions of those white polystyrene plastic chips and the place looked like a scene from "Avalanche."

And there were in the theater shepherds abiding on the stage, keeping watch over their jingle bells, because the bells were to be used later in the program and for 4-year-old shepherds, jingle bells rule. And to lose them is a major bummer.

Besides the shepherds, also abiding were Adam and Eve, Noah and three sets of animals from the ark; this was more like a Cliffs Notes of biblical history.

And, lo, the first rehearsal came upon them and I was sore afraid because: (a) there was a near riot when the jingle bells were passed out (everyone wanted blue); (b) Noah and Eve were flirting, which wasn't going over big with Adam; and (c) Joseph was so bored he spent most of the time stretching his lower lip forward like those tribesmen with those big rings in "National Geographic."

AND AS THE rehearsals continued, one of the angels started to take off his rugby shirt and Noah got his hand stuck in his pocket and the ark nearly capsized.

And The Teacher said unto me, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy. For unto you this day, in the city of Bellevue, has been given one of the smoother practices, based on past fiascoes, like the time two staff-wielding shepherds re-created the Luke Skywalker-Darth Vader battle scene."

But, verily she reminded me, the children before you have their hearts in the right places, even if one of the rabbits from the ark occasionally gets mixed in with the three kings.

And, seeing the wonder of the rehearsals, I figured this shall be a sign unto the parents that the final performance is going well: Ye shall find your babes wrapped in bathrobes and standing on the stage, none of them picking their noses and each of their zippers up.

And, suddenly, there was a multitude of nervous parents and teachers flitting around backstage, and a multitude of angels and shepherds and kings saying, "Teacher, I, like, really have to go to the bathroom." And, lo, I knew it was show time.

And it came to pass as the parents exited backstage to be seated and prefocus their camcorders that Adam, in so many words, said the lure of an apple didn't cut it; it would take a lawsuit to get him on that stage. And he wept.

And, lo, a voice from afar comforted him, saying, "Hey, cool outfit. Even the real Adam didn't have thongs." And then Noah spake, saying, "Aren't I supposed to have a beard or something?"

Then The Teacher beckoned the children, saying, "Go unto the stage, and smile big smiles for your folks." And Adam wept no more, settling, instead, for grim-faced defiance.

And when they had come to the place beneath the star, and stood each on his or her piece of masking tape, The Teacher rejoiced with exceeding great joy, as if she had just guided them to the top of Mount Everest.

And those who had come unto the stage found the babe in the manger with Mary. But Joseph, my son, was a tad late, having tripped on his shoelaces and fallen flat on his face while going up the stage steps.

And they brought forth a gift - a birthday cake - for the Hasbro babe. And they sang, each in his or her own key, a multitude of Christmas songs, reaching for notes that were still years away.

And, suddenly, a sound of great joy resounded from on high. For the audience was fervently clapping, having realized that their children - in all their innocence and imperfection - had proclaimed to the world the original Christmas message: Glory to God on the highest, and on Earth peace, goodwill toward men.

And, lo, at least one such parent felt a lump in his throat and asked himself: When was the last time I did as much?