All Sweetness and Light; PENNY FRAY at Craxton Wood Hotel, Ledsham, Cheshire.

Byline: PENNY FRAY

TO say that it was a bad day was an understatement. After surviving the snail trail of Bank Holiday weekend traffic with a dodgy tummy and severe sleep deprivation, I was in a volatile mood.

I needed to experience the high of sugar running through my veins but, being on a diet, I couldn't even cheer myself up with a couple of chocolate chunks.

So you can imagine by the time my boyfriend and I had arrived at the grand grounds of Craxton Woods, I was slamming doors, stomping on gravel and throwing dagger looks at my bewildered beloved.

Surrounded by woodland and historic-seeming outbuildings, the four-star hotel looked like the sort of stately home you would find in Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited. And everything was just right when we walked through its double doors - there is nothing more effective than attentive staff and prompt service to coax you out of a huff.

We were instantly ushered into a calm, green lounge, overlooking well-maintained grounds. And as soon as our drinks were served on a silver tray, the maitre d' came rushing over with a fan of menus.

Sitting to our right was Gerry "Ferry Across The Mersey" Marsden and his family ordering from the a la carte menu.

This dining by celebs thing was becoming a bit of a habit. Only a few weeks earlier we had found ourselves sitting next to footballer Jamie Carragher in Heswall's Est Est Est, who was commenting how much he liked Dido's music. While last month, I had spotted television presenter Vanessa Feltz drinking coffee in a London restaurant.

I slowly regained my composure.

The brightly-hued walls were having their therapeutic effect on me, while thoughts of diving into a dovetail of avocado followed by roast beef, dominated my mind.

So by the time I was seated in the well-lit dining area I was nearly floating with joy.

And no, I had not been on the bottle. But my partner dawdled somewhere behind, having been lured by the sight of a well-stocked wine cellar.

I was more impressed by the fact that the surrounding tables were at least 8ft away.

Overhearing the romantic drivel that most couples pour into each other's ears would have been beyond endurance.

But it was difficult to remain stone-hearted in such a beautiful surrounding. Candlelight, cream decor and soft music had their softening effect on my temper while simple elegance forced sitters to behave in a decorous manner.

And what can I say about our waiter?

Like a magician pulling out a rabbit from a hat, he lifted a silver dome off my starter dish to reveal an artistic extravaganza of food. The fan of avocado was surrounded by a pool of olive oil with pretty squiggles of colouring. I had wanted the cream of leek and potato soup, but my partner had snatched that option from me.

But as Piaf sang: je ne regrette rien.

The somewhat bland-tasting fruit had been transformed by the flavoured oil into a rich yet refreshing meal.

Pre-main course we were served with a little dish of sorbet - the mark of a good restaurant. Our palates refreshed, it was on to the next course.

A lump of beef was carved in front me. It melted in the mouth, while the vegetables were cooked to perfection - not too raw, not too soft. Goldilocks would have been happy but I was in food Heaven. Mark eyed my beef, but claimed that his grilled fillet of sea bass was delicious too. But I hate anything served in its skin, so I refuse to try out the fish dish. It did look pretty though, with its stacked swirls of white flesh.

Despite the generous portions, I had plenty of room for pudding. My upset stomach had long revived and somersaulted with glee at the sight of a sweet menu.

Okay, I was on a diet. But I felt that it was my duty as a taste tester to have pudding.

The sticky toffee cake accompanied by ice cream and butterscotch sauce was a delight to the taste buds. Certainly, it was hard not to emit a "Harry Met Sally" like groan when the sweet of the sauce hit the vanilla-flavoured cream on my tongue. And to complete my rush of hedonism, I nicked the powdered blackberry from Mark's parfait. Delicious.

Nevertheless, I wasn't too impressed with the tasteless cube that he had chosen for afters. But neither was he, so he dived back into his pounds 30 a bottle wine. "This is gorgeous, " he gushed as he gulped another smooth trickle of the 57 Chateau Cissac down his throat.

Following antiquated tradition, we were then ushered back into the lounge for the finale of coffee and brandy. And as my days of salad, yogurt and banana eating are over I also guzzled a plate full of petit fours. The chocolate addiction I thought I'd conquered had been given a new lease of life.

Maybe, that's why I had been in such a bad mood earlier. I had been deprived of chocolate for far too long and I was fed up of going through cold turkey. By the end of our dining extravaganza I was higher than a kite and madder than a March hare.

Who says the way to a man's heart is food? I think they meant mine.

Tel: [phone] Food: Delicious a la carte dishes for aesthetic diners.

Hours: Every evening 7pm-9.30pm and lunchtimes 12pm-2pm.

Ambience: Sophisticated decor with a dash of the grandoise.

Smoking: Strictly prohibited in the restaurant and lounge area.

But if you want to puff on a cigarette or cigar, you can go to the bar.

Disabled access: Yes, but disabled toilets are only available in the function suite.

Set menu at pounds 27.50 x 2;

Diet Coca Cola pounds 1.30;

Bottle of mineral water pounds 3.50;

Pint of Guinness pounds 2.65;

Bottle of Chateau Cissac pounds 29.95;

Double shot of Remy Brand pounds 6.80.

Total pounds 99.20