Activism at the jewelry counter.

Recently while shopping at Wal-Mart in Bloomington, Ind., I saw one of the greatest feats of gay activism in my 21 years on earth. As I was looking at watches I glanced up and saw two older men asking to see engagement rings. They tried on two or three before deciding on an inexpensive set of thin gold bands. A smile flowed across each man's face, and I felt the world around me slow down. All I could see was the love between these two men.

Gays and lesbians of my generation seem to think the only way to achieve tolerance and acceptance is by waging a verbal and intellectual war in which "you are either with us or against us." Most gay youths don't understand that much of what has brought our community to where it is today has not been riotous acts but instead has been the simple living of gay lives. Quiet acts of gay heroism happen every day, but they tend to go un-noticed and unappreciated.

I challenge my fellow gay students at Indiana University and elsewhere to recognize the thousands of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender activists who have worked so hard and sacrificed so much so that we can be where we are today. They have allowed us to be out and take our partners to the prom.

But I also challenge them to recognize that not all activism has to be showy and loud. Indeed, I see some openly gay students who also are just living their lives. They don't participate in rallies, wear rainbow gear, or wave huge flags; they merely treat others as they would want to be treated.

I applaud them as much as those men at Wal-Mart, who made a tremendous difference in my life. Theirs is the most potent form of activism I know.