Abusing Overweight Children Not an Answer

Q. I was one of the children you detailed in your research. I read your column and broke down crying. Finally, someone understands what we've gone through. I work for a major health insurer, and yes, I'm still overweight (although I had once dieted myself down to 125 lbs. at 5-feet 8-inches tall and couldn't maintain any of it). All I hear about is childhood obesity and how bad it is and how we need to be aware. I want to scream, "Do you people think those kids don't know it?"

Do you have any suggestions for adults who are still struggling with their childhood and their weight issues?

By the way, I'm 43 and I've survived cancer, as well. Frankly, in many ways, cancer was easier. Even if I eventually die, no one looks at you as if you're evil when you say you've had cancer.

A. This country is in search of an elusive answer to our problem of more overweight children, but I can assure you that disdain, bullying and abuse aren't answers. In our culture and in our time, overweight children suffer long-term psychological harm by peers, teachers and often even their parents. We can urge young people to avoid tobacco, alcohol and drugs to prevent serious health problems, but from infancy on, food represents love to children.

Eating is connected to celebration, status, relaxation and good health, and furthermore, food tastes good and fulfills primary biological and psychological needs. We can't stop eating and that makes it very difficult to stop eating too much. And while we can convince kids that lots of veggies are good for them, veggies don't compete very well in taste against burgers, ice cream or cake.

For overweight kids, every bite must feel like a love-hate relationship. Now add to that problem the fact that their overweight status often eliminates them from sports teams, drama plays or almost any activity where adults make judgments about their qualifications. Peers are ashamed to call them friends for fear it will deter their own popularity status. It's no wonder they sit watching screens and envisioning a magical world where they're as beautiful and as thin as Britney Spears or some other media idol.

As you know, losing weight is so painstakingly slow, and regaining it so dramatically rapid. Very few manage the success of keeping that weight off. Yet, as a nation concerned with health, we have a responsibility to educate, encourage, facilitate and research the kind of healthful eating and exercise programs that will prevent obesity. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Your analogy to cancer, our most dreaded disease, makes clear the psychological trauma overweight kids experience.

What can you do as an adult? I don't have easy answers, but here are a few mandates that could help: Exercise an hour daily; fill up on plenty of fruits and vegetables; develop interests that you can share with a few good friends; tell yourself you're a good person; make a small difference in the lives of others by volunteering — and with your letter to our readers.

For a free newsletter about how to help your children eat and stay healthy, from Dr. Rimm's book "Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children," send a large, self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read more about her book at www.sylviarimm.com.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [e-mail]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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