AUGUSTA BATTLE WAY OFF COURSE.

Byline: STEVE DILBECK

Psst, over here. Got some big news. Headline-making stuff. Tell the boss to ready the large type.

Tiger Woods is going for a record third consecutive Masters title.

It's true! Swear it on my bed of flowering azaleas.

Now I know this little tidbit has been lost amid the ``the biggest news story in the history of sports,'' but we'll try to help out.

See, Tiger is the greatest golfer seen since the Bear and the Army patrolled Augusta. Has an opportunity to go down as the greatest golfer ever. Starting today, he will have a chance - and is favored - to make history.

And about the only thing coming from the Masters this year has been the great foot-in-mouth contest between Hootie and Martha.

All over whether a single really rich woman should be allowed to join a bunch of really rich men.

This doesn't exactly rival back-of-the-bus as an issue. This is not the women's right to vote. It is not a topic that will shape our time.

It is about the privileged, an exclusive class that most can relate to about as well as cashing in that stock option. Jackie Robinson on the approach, this is not.

It's become beyond tiring, inflated to the point of laughter. If a golf tournament ever needed just to be played, this is it.

Yes, Martha, you're right. And you're wrong. Same to you, Hootie, who on Wednesday actually said: ``This is not a major issue.''

Think he meant to say, ``This should not be a major issue,'' but then he very much helped to make it one.

Most people wouldn't have known Martha Burk, head of the National Council of Women's Organizations, from Martha's Vineyard if not for her demands that the Masters admit a female member.

Now you'd think Martha would be busy championing women's equal pay or abortion rights or federal day care, or something besides whether a single female CEO can play with the male CEOs.

But she decided to take on this great injustice, trying to make it represent much more than it actually is. Still, most would have agreed that all things being equal, she had her point.

Hootie Johnson, head of the Augusta National Golf Club, could have written this nice, little, polite letter in response, telling Burk thanks for her interest, the membership will be looking at this in the future, have a nice day, and it largely would have blown over.

Instead, Hootie got into a snit, felt like his club was being pushed around and fired off his own contentious letter, and the battle for the moral high ground was on.

Hootie argues Augusta is a private club, like thousands of private clubs across the country, and has a right to form its own membership. You know, sort of like the Boy Scouts.

``We will prevail because we're right,'' he said.

Martha looks at it as further evidence of holding back women, that the Masters is the most significant tournament in the country and hardly just some private affair.

In a way, Martha already won, which turned into an unexpected bonus for golf fans. ``This is a place that corporate America will not want to go near,'' she said. Hootie, fearing she might be right and wanting to avoid a conflict for his corporate sponsors, announced that this year's Masters on CBS would be a commercial-free broadcast.

Suddenly, a golf viewer's dream. Eighteen holes of uninterrupted Masters play. Butter the pecan roll and take it all in.

Eventually, everyone knows Augusta will capitulate. Even on Wednesday, Hootie was saying at his news conference ``that there may well come a time when a woman is included in our club.''

The boys just want to do it on their own terms, and not because the girls are trying to jam it down their throats. Hootie said there was no timetable and tried to assure reporters at his news conference Hootie was speaking for the membership and not just Hootie.

``If I drop dead in the next minute, our position will not change on this issue,'' he said.

You'd think Martha might have been satisfied with the turn of events, but she kept the pressure on. Pretty soon, good ol' Jesse Jackson was on the scene, the New York Times was actually blasting Tiger for not boycotting the Masters and the ACLU was involved.

Martha, not knowing how to play with a lead, pretty soon was going over the top, bringing in the war in Iraq. ``It's appalling that the women who are willing to lay down their lives for democratic ideals should be shut out of this club.''

Cue the laugh track.

There is, of course, not a single foot soldier, male or female, in Iraq who ever will be admitted to Augusta. They can't afford it.

It was also Martha who thought they should cancel the whole tournament ``out of deference to our fighting men and women.'' This only exposed how completely clueless Martha is about the role of sports in society. Guess baseball and the NCAA Tournament should be embarrassed at offering America, and its troops, some much-needed diversion.

Meanwhile, Tiger gets called out for not getting on a soap box. That would be Tiger the golfer, not Tiger the political activist, nor Tiger the sports columnist.

Tiger actually is here to win a golf tournament. Yes, outside the Augusta gates, they'll have everything but a big top. Inside, Tiger will be trying to win an unprecedented third consecutive Masters.

Pass it on.

MASTERS

at Augusta, Ga.

Augusta National Golf Club

Today through Sunday

TV: USA (today-Friday, 1-3:30 p.m., 6-8:30 p.m.) and Ch. 2 (Saturday, 12:30 p.m.-3 p.m.; Sunday, 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.)

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