AUDIENCE GETS BILKED OF LAUGHS IN CLUMSY, MISCAST `SGT. BILKO'.Byline: Philip Wuntch Dallas Morning News Harrison Ford captured the loneliness of ``The Fugitive.'' Mel Gibson Noun 1. Mel Gibson - Australian actor (born in the United States in 1956) Mel Columcille Gerard Gibson, Gibson U.S.A., United States, United States of America, US, USA, America, the States, U.S. caught some of the charm of ``Maverick.'' But Steve Martin Noun 1. Steve Martin - United States actor and comedian (born in 1945) Martin misses ``Sgt. Bilko's'' target. The keynote of the Martin persona always has been a weird sort of innocence. Even when doing stand-up stand·up or stand-up adj. 1. Standing erect; upright: a standup collar. 2. Taken, done, or used while standing: a standup supper; a standup bar. as a ``wild and crazy guy'' or playing ``The Jerk'' or, most recently, the ultra-establishment ``Father of the Bride,'' he gives the impression of extremely offbeat off·beat n. Music An unaccented beat in a measure. adj. Slang Not conforming to an ordinary type or pattern; unconventional: offbeat humor. decency. On the other hand, Sgt. Ernie Bilko, as immortalized by Phil Silvers Phil Silvers (May 11, 1911 – November 1, 1985) was an American entertainer and comedy actor. His best-known work is The Phil Silvers Show, a 1950s sitcom set on a US Army post in which he played Sergeant Bilko; the show was also often referred to by this name. in the classic 1950s TV series, is the consummate con man. The well-named Bilko would bilk bilk tr.v. bilked, bilk·ing, bilks 1. a. To defraud, cheat, or swindle: made millions bilking wealthy clients on art sales. b. his own mother and experience only fleeting guilt. Martin doesn't have the right tempo or the right attitude, and even those unfamiliar with the old tube show will sense that something is amiss. According to the movie, Sgt. Bilko is the smartest man at Fort Baxter. Col. Hall (Dan Aykroyd) is a dim bulb all the way, and the majority of the corps are adorable misfits. The only straight-arrow guy in the group keeps finding notes saying ``We hate you!'' signed by every other member of the corps. But things are due for a change. Maj. Thorn (Phil Hartman), who knew Sgt. Bilko 15 years ago and has nursed a grudge ever since, is coming to Fort Hood to investigate a new missile being developed at the post. While there, he does everything possible to make life miserable for the sergeant, even trying to steal his long-suffering fiancee, schoolteacher Rita Robbins (Glenne Headly, the long-suffering wife in ``Mr. Holland's Opus''). Rita realizes her students are more mature than her fiance but can't resist his finesse at poker. Director Jonathan Lynn lacks the polish to camouflage the screenplay's lumpishness. As a result, the film seems longer than its brief one hour and 32 minutes. However, Martin, even when miscast mis·cast tr.v. mis·cast, mis·cast·ing, mis·casts 1. To cast in an unsuitable role. 2. To cast (a role, play, or film) inappropriately. , knows how to get quick-reflex laughs, and some of his comic reactions obtain the sought-after results. But Aykroyd seems uncertain of how far to stretch Col. Hall's dimness, while Headly deserves stronger roles. Hartman is a slick villain, which is all that is asked of him. ``Sgt. Bilko'' isn't a total disaster, but it will be forgotten within a month. THE FACTS The film: ``Sgt. Bilko'' (PG; some bad language). The stars: Steve Martin, Glenne Headly. Behind the scenes: Directed by Jonathan Lynn. Written by Andy Breckman. produced by Brian Glazer. Released by Universal Pictures. Running time: One hour, 32 minutes. Playing: Citywide. Our rating: Two Stars. CAPTION(S): Photo Photo: Dan Aykroyd, left, is a lunk Lunk can refer to either of the following two fictional people from the universe:
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