AREA RALLIES TO SUPPORT NEW WOMEN'S SHELTER.

Byline: Mary Schubert Daily News Staff Writer

Its location is secret and its clients' names are confidential, but a shelter for women and children trying to escape abusive relationships is drawing attention and support in the Santa Clarita Valley.

Last week, the Vons supermarket at 24160 Lyons Ave. donated $5,000 to the shelter, run by the Association to Aid Victims of Domestic Violence. The home, which opened in July, takes in women and children for maximum stays of 30 days, said shelter manager Jennifer Griffin.

``We figured they would need a financial donation to help get them rolling,'' said Mark Albrent, manager of the Newhall supermarket that employs 120 workers.

``They can spend it any way they choose,'' he said. ``What I've discussed with the shelter is that when they have needs with food or vouchers, we'll be glad to help them out.''

Meanwhile, Starbucks is planning a fund-raiser this month at its recently opened coffeehouse on McBean Parkway at Decoro Drive. Proceeds from all beverages purchased from 5 to 8 p.m. Saturday will be donated to the shelter, a Starbucks manager said.

Mothers Unlimited, a Santa Clarita Valley club whose members are mostly stay-at-home moms, have organized a fund-raiser for Oct. 29 in Valencia. Diners at El Torito restaurant, 27510 N. The Old Road, can donate 25 percent of their bill to the shelter, Griffin said.

Proceeds from the annual Bootleggers' Ball on New Year's Eve at California Institute of the Arts also will benefit the Association to Aid Victims of Domestic Violence, said event chairwoman Miriam Aardahl.

The fund-raisers will help shelter clients like a 35-year-old mother of three, who said she sneaked away from home one day while her husband was away, packing the car with her kids and as many of their belongings as she could gather in a hurry.

``I was in an abusive marriage for eight years, and it was very difficult to get out,'' said the woman, whose name was withheld for safety reasons.

She said she is trying to get a restraining order against her 43-year-old estranged husband. After leaving their Fresno home, she first stayed with her mother in the Santa Clarita Valley.

But when her husband tracked her down - ``He came around threatening to kill me'' - she decided in August to move into the shelter. ``I needed someplace to go where he didn't know where I was,'' the woman said.

In that ``safe house,'' she received counseling and assistance, as she enrolled her children in new schools, sought work and looked for a place to live.

``The shelter helped me to see that he's the one with the problem, not me. I always thought there was something wrong with me,'' she said.

The woman said she held periodic secretarial and office jobs during the marriage, but that her husband kept their bank accounts in his name only. She characterized the abuse as primarily emotional, with physical assaults on occasion. Her spouse wouldn't let her have any friends and kept close tabs on her whereabouts.

``When I wanted to leave, he would smash the windshield of my car and flatten my tires,'' the single mother said. ``He would chain my car to his truck so I couldn't take it, (and) disconnect the phone so I couldn't call.''

Usually his anger was directed at her. ``I got to know his temperament,'' she said. ``I would try to please him as much as I could.''

Together the couple have 4- and 7-year-old boys, and the woman has a 13-year-old son from a previous relationship.

``He would get mad at the children over small things, like leaving their shoes in the hall,'' she said. ``He would run up behind them, grab them by the hair, hit them in the back and call them names.''

The children's moods and behavior were affected by their home life, and her oldest became suicidal, the woman said. Her middle son began overeating. ``He told me he wanted to get big enough to stop his dad,'' she said.

``The two younger ones started copying their father and pushing me around and hitting me,'' she said.

``He was telling them that women were no good,'' she said. ``That would break my heart if my own kids grew up that way.''

More than a decade in the planning, Santa Clarita's first shelter for abused women and their children opened this summer.

Incidents of domestic violence accounted for 8.45 percent of calls to the Santa Clarita Valley sheriff's station during the first six months of 1996, according to station Lt. Tim Peters.

That breaks down to 1,713 calls of physical spousal abuse, family disturbances and violations of a court order, out of 20,264 calls to which Santa Clarita Valley station deputies responded from January through June, Peters said.

The association leased a five-bedroom house, the location of which is closely guarded to protect the women who live there. The association won a three-year, $280,000 grant after several previous requests for grants were rejected - because most funding was available to agencies already operating shelters.

The shelter takes in women who call its hotline - (805) 259-HELP - along with those referred by the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and other agencies.

``Domestic violence reaches every single type of race, ethnicity, wealth or poverty level,'' said shelter manager Griffin. ``It's not partial to one or the other. It happens in every class.''

The mother of three said the shelter staff helped her find free child care for her youngest son while she looks for a job.

The woman said she left her husband several times - and eventually returned to him because his vows to change were so convincing - before she came to her senses. ``The first time I left, I thought I was leaving for good,'' she said. ``He would say anything to get me back.''

Often, leaving an abusive environment is the hardest step, Griffin said. ``A lot of people ask: `Why do (women) stay?' '' she said.

``Women aren't taught what a good relationship is; there are no classes in school,'' Griffin said. ``You have the right to be safe in your own home, but they don't know that.''