ARE ROMANCES BETWEEN CO-WORKERS ACCEPTABLE?

Byline: KEN LLOYD On the Job

Q I have been having lunch fairly regularly with one of my male colleagues, and it is generally all business. We get along well, and, about a week ago, he asked me out. I gave him some excuse so I could think about what I want to do. I like him, but office romances concern me. Are there any new thoughts in this area? A.C.

A Much of the thinking about office dating can be rather dated, however this is not automatically the case. The first place to look is at the culture and policies of your company. Although some have strict prohibitions in this area (which only drive relationships underground), others accept the reality that some employees are to become romantically involved with each other. Another reality is that employees are now more likely to find romance at work because so many are spending longer and longer hours at work.

The larger concern for employers occurs when people in supervisory positions date employees who report to them. In fact, a small but growing number of employers are setting policies that call for such employees to inform management in order to prevent questionable work decisions and future legal problems in the event the relationship goes south.

Office romances can lead to serious problems and serious solutions. If you do become involved, you need to keep your eyes open.

Q I came up with a good idea and mentioned it to my manager. She suggested I put it in writing. After a couple of weeks, she wrote a letter back to me saying the idea was useless and left her cold. I am annoyed and wonder if I should say something. C.L.

A It actually sounds like your manager's response was useless and left you cold. Regardless of any action you take, it is important to recognize at the outset that a person who writes this type of letter is not typically inclined to listen to constructive feedback.

Even if your idea was ridiculous, there is no excuse for her response. All that her behavior has done is generate anger and squelch the likelihood of your ever presenting another creative idea to her. As a result, she loses, the company loses, and, unfortunately, you lose.

Since you are so upset over her reaction, you should meet with her. This should not be a meeting where you evaluate her or the letter, but rather one in which you try to clarify the ground rules. Tell her that you were confused by her response to your idea, and you would like to know if there is anything you should be doing in order to avoid this type of reaction in the future. Her reply will tell you if it is a good idea to continue in her department, or if it is a better idea to broaden your horizons.

Q I worked for a company for eight years, and they blocked off one month where no one could take any time off so that a new computer system could be installed. My husband's birthday fell on the first day of this period, and I had requested it off, but was told no. My husband was furious, called the controller, and then told me to quit. So, I did. Later the controller called me and said I could have my job back and the birthday off, but I chose not to return. Please let me know how I should have handled this. D.K.

A You cannot live your life trying to rehash ``should haves'' and ``shouldn't haves.'' All that happens is that you dwell on the problem, and inevitably conclude that you made a mistake. That is not fair for you.

The fact is that you made a decision. It may not be sitting well with you, but that can happen in any decision. Maybe it was a good thing to leave the company, and maybe it wasn't. Either way, you left. If you truly feel that you made a tremendous mistake, call the company and see if the offer still stands.

If you are not inclined to seek your former position, or if it is not offered, you need to stop torturing yourself over what happened.

Use this time to review your skills and, if warranted, consider getting some additional training. Make a listing of the factors that are important to you at work, and then actively seek a position that at least fulfills some of them.

You have a career ahead of you. If you will not or cannot return to your old job, let it go. The time has come to stop focusing on where you've been, and start focusing on where you're going.