ANYTHING WE WON'T GO TO BALLOT FOR?

Byline: KIMIT MUSTON Local View

I just finished reading through all 165 pages of my California Official Voter Information Guide, and the 21 pages of my Official Voter Information Guide Supplemental, and the 24 pages of my Official Sample Ballot, and a question came up. I wonder if there are any ideas so stupid, so useless, so just plain darn wacky you still couldn't find 30,000 Californians willing to sign a petition to put them on the ballot. Does nobody in this state ever say ``no'' to signing these things?

Thanks to our signature-happy fellow citizens, we've got Proposition 59, which would amend the state constitution to require all governmental meetings be open to the public and would require all governmental agencies to show just cause before they can keep information from the public.

Now, these are both great ideas. In fact, open meetings are such a good idea that we already have the Ralph M. Brown Act, the Bogley-Kene Open Meeting Act and the Grunsky-Burton Open Meeting Act to ensure that we have, well, open meetings. And full public access to governmental information is such a good idea we already have the California Public Records Act and the Legislative Open Records Act. And now Proposition 59 wants to amend the state constitution to ensure that we have what, in effect, we already have.

This is what I call beating a good horse to death.

Then we have Proposition 60, which would require that the winner of each party's primary election be allowed to run in the following general election, which, if I'm not mistaken, is exactly the system we are currently using. The citizens of California wouldn't be so gullible as to sign a petition for something we've already got, would they? No, they signed a petition for something even sillier, a ghost proposition. Because Proposition 60 was placed on the ballot merely to help defeat Proposition 62, which would create open primaries where Democrats get to vote in the Republican primary and Repubs get to vote in the Demo primary - which sounds a lot like a general election, doesn't it?

Whichever proposition, 60 or 62, gets the most votes becomes law. If they tie, I don't know what we do.

So this is what democracy in California has become. Our ballot is now a maze designed to confuse the voters as opposed to giving them direct voice, and all because the people of California just can't resist signing their names.

You want more proof? Consider Proposition 60A. Evidently we've got so many propositions the Secretary of State who runs these things was afraid of running out of numbers, so he just added letters to some of them. And to further avoid confusion, Proposition 60A has absolutely nothing to do with Proposition 60. Proposition 60A says that funds from the sale of all surplus government property should go into the general fund - should, mind you, not must.

Now, this is another fine idea. But we needed a proposition to make a suggestion?

You know, it's a shame we don't have some organized body that would make decisions concerning these kinds of minor details. Maybe we could call it the Group That Is Supposed To Be Running the Government. Yeah! And we could elect its members and pay them a salary to pay attention so we don't have to spend 45 minutes in the voting booth every year!

If Proposition 60A is such a good idea, why didn't its supporters just ``lobby'' the Legislature for it? Isn't this just the kind of thing legislatures are supposed to take care of? And what kind of airheads read this proposed measure and say to themselves, ``Why yes, I think we ought to hold an election on this.''

Well, I think every election we should also vote for the dumbest proposition on the ballot, and anybody who signed a petition for the winning measure should then be excluded from ever signing a petition for another ballot measure as long as they live. I also think that if there are two people in a car, one should drive and the other should talk on the phone. Any driver caught talking on a cell phone with a passenger in the car should have their phone and car immediately impounded. And their ears cut off. And I think that next election we should require all low-flush toilets to flush counterclockwise.

I'd sign a petition to put those things on the ballot. Obviously you would, too.