ANTONIO'S SCHOOL PLAN STUFF OF HISTORY.

Byline: MARIEL GARZA

SOMEDAY, millennia after modern humans globally warm themselves to near-extinction and have to take refuge on a retrofitted Mars, human or humanoid archaeologists will marvel at the wonders of 21st century governments on Earth.

On their forays to the ruins of the center of politics and culture of that era -- Los Angeles -- they will dig up the remnants of that lost civilization: bound and sometimes laminated booklets printed on heavy glossy stock that tell of government operations of yore.

These booklets will describe bastions of bureaucratic benevolence and embodiments of educational excellence -- at least that's the way it will seem from 2,000 years' distance in the only documents to survive the chaos.

All the real documentation in hard drives and on computers about how governments really work will be zapped by the Internet's meltdown and radiation bursts from the sun. The massive floods and megafires will take care of most hard copies left in accessible filing cabinets and libraries.

The only items left to explain 21st century existence will be those produced in earnest, forgotten almost immediately and then locked away in the deepest, darkest and most remote basements of city halls and capitol buildings across the nation -- the reform reports.

These ubiquitous documents, which governments and their agents construct with stunning regularity to outline all the ways in which they could govern better, but probably never will, would be all that's left to explain just how enlightened the final inhabitants of the planet were.

Luckily, for us. Suckers.

All come with catchy -- and often subtitled -- names that don't mean anything but sound serious, such as ``Building the Best: A Plan A for Bringing Best-Practices to the Core Targets of Plan B'' or ``Restoring the Peace: California's Need for Action and the Likely Impact on Citrus Crops.''

To a one, all explain how we would like government to work, not how it does or ever will. Hey, we're human, after all.

No doubt L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa's ``The Schoolhouse: A Framework to Give Every Child in LAUSD an Excellent Education'' will be among the artifacts to help paint the picture of the last days of Earth. The 30-page document released last week will give future historians insight into how serious modern-day Angelenos were in teaching their young. Or so they will think.

The six pillars of school excellence Villaraigosa outlined as being important to improve education -- high expectations of students; schools that are safe, small and clean; empowered leadership; rigorous curriculum and good teachers; parental involvement; and more money for schools -- will make future teachers rave with excitement. Who knew that the creatures that couldn't figure out how to stop polluting enough to save their home would be able to grasp basic, but sophisticated concepts? Plus, public education, they will trill. What a novel idea!

What future historians won't realize is that while governments are whizzes at coming up with simple and sensible diagrams of good government -- or a least paying a private firm half a million dollars to do it -- they seem chronically unable to follow their own suggestions.

Everyone wants to, of course, but the reality of politics is that good things mostly happen by accident. Thus, we get report after report filled will good intentions that end up rotting in some underground bunker. Sadly, those pillars of excellence at the Los Angeles Unified School District are probably going to languish forever in the design stage.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's health care proposal ``Stay Healthy California'' and a consultant's exhaustive review of Los Angeles' anti-gang resources called: ``A Call to Action: A Case for a Comprehensive Solution to LA's Gang Violence Epidemic,'' will likely join the mayor's plan in that windowless room: Make sure all children in California have health insurance and mount a big, anti-gang strategy with everyone working together to finally get rid of gang violence. Makes too much sense. Off to the basement!

Maybe we won't fix the crappy education at the LAUSD or stop L.A.'s gangs in my lifetime. But at least the people of 4007 will think we did. And that's something to look forward to.

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Photo:

(color) Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa greets well-wishers after hosting an education town-hall meeting to release a written policy for reforming the Los Angeles Unified School District.

Michael Owen Baker/Staff Photographer