ANNUAL `DUBIOUS DOZEN' REVEALS MEDIA'S 12-RING CIRCUS.

Byline: TOM HOFFARTH Media

Yes, that was Boomer Esiason trying to act as a peppy co-host of the Thanksgiving Day Parade on your TV set Thursday afternoon.

No, unfortunately, there's no room to include CBS' NFL studio yacker on this year's list of the sports media ``Dubious Dozen.''

You gotta slide much further down the path of self-stupidity to qualify for recognition on the ``what were you thinking?'' annual report of the sports world's TV, radio, newspapers and Internet reporting.

You'd think by now we'd learn. Instead, we're doomed to repeat them, from sideline reporters posing in men's magazines to Andy Rooney ranting about them; from Penthouse claiming to have Anna Kournikova photos to the creation of Fox's ``Celebrity Boxing;'' from TNT's ``Slamball'' to ESPN's ``Mohr Sports,'' to the ``Best Damn Sports Show'' that won't go away.

For 2002, we present to you:

NBC

--The offense: All the West Coast affiliates that helped the network foot $545 million in rights fees for the Winter Olympics from Salt Lake City agreed it would be a better business decision to delay the broadcast three hours for an 8 p.m. start each night even though the rest of the country saw most everything live.

``It's one of the only decisions made in my 12 1/2 years here that I disagree with,'' NBC Olympics executive producer Dick Ebersol said.

--The aftermath: With a little graphic at the bottom of the screen that said ``prerecorded for another time zone,'' three of the seven top-rated TV markets for the opening ceremonies were from the West Coast. Ratings for the West were 8 percent higher than the national 19.2 mark when it was over.

``These Games have surpassed my wildest expectations,'' Ebersol concluded.

Videotape for everyone next time!

JAYSON WILLIAMS

--The offense: ``NBC found a keeper'' in Williams, Sports Illustrated wrote about the NBA studio analyst, shortly before the network quietly dismissed him when he became the accused in a murder case in mid-Feburary.

--The aftermath: ``There is no basis in fact for any allegation that Mr. Williams was involved in any horseplay with a gun,'' his lawyer, Joseph Hayden, told The Star-Ledger of Newark, N.J., after the incident in which a limo driver was found dead at Williams' house.

After revelations of coverups and plea bargaining, Williams' trial for manslaughter will begin Feb 18. He faces more than 40 years in prison if convicted.

CHARLES BARKLEY

--The offense: He appeared on the March 11 issue of Sports Illustrated supposedly breaking out of slave chains, proclaiming the Augusta National Golf Club expanding its course as a way of Tiger-proofing was ``blatant racism.''

He wrote another book of purported shocking opinions that wouldn't even get a charge out of you if you read it in a bathtub while holding a blow dryer.

Then he promised to kiss the rear end of TNT studio partner Kenny Smith if Houston's Yao Ming scored 19 points. Ming hit 20 against the Lakers a couple of weeks ago, so Barkley, on his unnecessary ``Listen Up!'' show on TNT, puckered up to a donkey's behind.

--The aftermath: Said columnist Mike Lupica on ESPN in April: ``He's become the perfect modern sports celebrity - the more noise he makes, the more attention he gets.''

Well, Lupica would know.

FRED EDELSTEIN

--The offense: The publisher of the Pro Football Insider gossip newsletter was found guilty in July of defrauding eight people of almost $600,000 in investments and loans.

During the sentencing hearing, Edelstein asked the judge for leniency, suggesting he could repay the victims more quickly if he was working, and not behind bars. Replied the judge: ``You have ignored your responsibility and ... now you think you should be spared the consequences of your actions so you can take responsibility? I don't find that point of view very persuasive.''

--The aftermath: It was discovered by the Sports Business Journal that even though Edelstein was convicted of fraud in April, he convinced five NFL teams to sign him as a media consultant, giving him a total of $90,000 so he'd do interviews on the team's flagship radio stations.

Edelstein turned himself in to authorities Aug. 9 and, according to reliable sources, he has about a year and a half left on his federal prison sentence.

THE ST. PETERSBURG TIMES

--The offense: In September, the newspaper agreed to pay more than $33 million over 12 years for the naming rights of the hockey rink where the Tampa Bay Lightning plays.

--The aftermath: There already are several media organizations that have ownership stakes in teams. But buying the rights to a building is another step into murky ethical waters.

The Lightning might have one of the best records in the Eastern Conference, but how do writers maintain any sort of distance without the appearance of a conflict of interest?

``How can you not like this Lightning team?'' Times sports columnist Gary Shelton wrote in a piece last week after the team lost to Philadelphia.

``How can you not like the drama? The sad-sack franchise of the NHL has suddenly become the best team a little bit of money can buy?''

The Poynter Institute for Media Studies, a nonprofit training school for journalists which has a financial interest in the newspaper, responded: ``From a business standpoint, it may make lots of sense; journalistically, it raises a number of questions. The Times is in the position of reporting on itself as the nameholder of the arena.''

ESPN

--The offense: Staged the 10th annual ESPY Awards in July at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. Tiger Woods won three awards but wasn't there to accept them.

--The aftermath: Plans are to stage the 11th annual ESPY Awards in 2003 back in Hollywood.

STUART SCOTT

--The offense: Thinking he actually could compete for a roster spot with the New York Jets, the 36-year-old ESPN anchor got clearance from his employers at ESPN to attend the team's minicamp in April. Without a helmet or protective eyewear during a passing drill, Scott missed catching a ball and it hit him in the left eye, tearing the cornea. He already had undergone cornea transplants in each eye because of a disease detected in high school.

--The aftermath: He was off for two months before he was able to rejoin ``SportsCenter.'' He told TV Guide in an interview: ``I want to raise (my kids) to never be afraid to try something just because of what other people might say about them. That's what I've tried to do.''

Nice spin.

BEAU DURAN

--The offense: The Phoenix disc jockey called Darryl Kile's widow and asked if she had a date for Thursday's St. Louis-Arizona baseball playoff game in October. Said Cardinals manager Tony La Russa: ``Whoever is responsible should suffer serious and dire consequences. If we could get our hands on them, we would deal with them physically.''

--The aftermath: Station KUPD-FM initially did nothing. Two days later, Duran was suspended for a week and the station ran an apology on its Web site.

Three days later, after some companies pulled advertising, Duran was fired.

``I just want him to suffer some day in his darkest moment,'' La Russa responded.

STEVE BLASS

--The offense: When a foul ball landed in the radio booth at Cinergy Field during a game between the Reds and Pirates in September, Blass, the Pittsburgh broadcaster whose control problems led to his departure from the game in the 1970s, decided to drop the souvenir to a young fan.

Instead of getting it to the kid, the ball hit a guy next to him on top of the head. Then the ball bounced to the next level below, where it hit another child in the head.

--The aftermath: ``I still don't have my control,'' Blass said.

FOX SPORTS NET

--The offense: The Dodgers' cable partner decided to put a microphone on pitching coach Jim Colburn for a game against the Pirates in August.

Before starting pitcher Andy Ashby went out to pitch the eighth inning, Fox aired a conversation Colburn had with him, informing the right-hander he would face two more batters before left-hander Jesse Orosco would come out of the bullpen to pitch to lefty Brian Giles.

``So there you go, you know what's going to happen before it happens,'' Dodgers broadcaster Vin Scully exclaimed.

--The aftermath: Team director of communications Derrick Hall called the production truck and pulled the plug on any more taped conversations after the strategy was revealed on the air.

Replied Fox Sports Net general manager Steve Simpson: ``What we aired was very entertaining and enlightening. The only thing is, we should have aired it afterward.''

Duh.

KEITH HERNANDEZ

--The offense: The New York Mets' TV broadcaster wrote in a column on the Madison Square Garden's Web site that he thought the last-place team was a bunch of ``no-heart quitters.'' The truth apparently hurt Mets management, and the clubhouse threatened to excommunicate Hernandez, a former star first basemen with the team.

A day later, Hernandez said he was wrong and unqualified to make such a blanket statement. He met with players for a private apology, then opened the next telecast saying: ``I just want the fans to know I will continue to give you fair, honest and objective analysis.''

--The aftermath: The Mets finished 30 games behind Atlanta in the National League East and fired their manager. And this appeared on a Mets fan Web site: ``No one can really take Hernandez seriously as a broadcaster anymore. Why bother? If he writes anything controversial, he's just going to take it back. That's sad, because this one-time Mets take-charge first baseman leader has become the media joke of the town.''

PATTI SHEA

--The offense: A political writer for the Signal in Santa Clarita, she was assigned to do a story that sent her to Dodger Stadium in August. A Dodger game, of all things, happened to be taking place. After the contest, Shea went to the clubhouse.

The story that appeared in the paper the next day included some of her observations:

``Just then, Shawn Green emerges from the showers ... three millimeters thick of terry cloth is separating Green's goodies from my life's most embarrassing moment. I really didn't have that much time to think about it before Green whipped off the towel and began to get dressed.

``Holy &#$(at) I'm going to need to see a chiropractor for the whiplash I gave myself.''

--The aftermath: Keith Olbermann said on his national radio commentary: ``If a guy had written this piece about a woman's locker room, he would have already been fired and on his way to the taxidermist.''

After the Dodgers threatened to never allow a Signal reporter - sports department or otherwise - a working credential, Shea offered an apology, saying: ``I didn't think about the repercussions of the column. Honestly, I didn't and I can't explain why.''

She was back covering the Castaic Lake Water Agency without further incident on what she saw behind those closed doors.

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Photo:

Charles Barkley paid up on national TV, making him a cinch to make the list for this year's ``Dubious Dozen.''

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