ALL-STAR CAST IS ALL THAT SAVES WACKO 'GEORGIA'.

Byline: Bob Strauss

Film Critic

Half an hour of the clumsiest "clever" dialogue ever written. Fifteen minutes of a pretty rare thing -- funny Mormon sex comedy. Then an endless slog through whether Daddy molested a stepdaughter who tells a different story every time she's asked.

That's "Georgia Rule," a movie that can't decide if it should be lighthearted or heartrending, naughty or nerve-wracking, ribald or just plain ridiculous. No wonder Lindsay Lohan got scolded for missing work during this production; I'd also try to stay away as long as I could from a project that's this confused.

Lohan shines throughout yet another godawful mess of a movie -- and, this time, one that defeats her more experienced co-stars, Jane Fonda and Felicity Huffman. Lohan's character, a rebellious teenage provocateuse named Rachel, makes absolutely no sense from scene to scene. But within each segment, she nails whatever emotional note screenwriter Mark Andrus applied. She does it with a whole lot of effortless charisma and pinpoint-sharp humor.

Despite that, we've had more than our fill of lying brat Rachel by the movie's midpoint. Consider that a triumph; her scolding grandmother Georgia (Fonda) and shrill alcoholic mom Lilly (Huffman) grow tiresome within minutes of meeting them.

Needing a break from her daughter's wild ways, Lilly parks Rachel at Georgia's small-town Idaho home for the summer. Grandma hasn't seen either of them in 13 years, and that was apparently fine with her. Georgia's vaguely religious, regimented way of life suits her better than chasing drunks and sluts around with a bar of soap. Though pretty foulmouthed herself, Georgia insists on an old-fashioned tongue washing whenever someone takes the Lord's name in vain.

Georgia's supposed to be tough and, theoretically, a cold-register film actress like Fonda should be ideal for the part. But the character is quickly reduced to a collection of eccentricities such as the soap scene and having to say lines like "For a smart girl, you're good at stupid."

Tears, embarrassing drunk scenes and all-around recrimination define Lilly, and that brings out the Methodical ham in Huffman.

Rachel is frisky fun when she's coming on to every semi-loose male in the boring little town. That list includes the hunky LDS virgin (Garrett Hedlund) with the inconvenient honesty streak and the local veterinarian/general practitioner (Dermot Mulroney) who, while a little fuzzy on medical ethics, wants to prove to Rachel that not every men wants her that way ... even though he actually does.

With all the psychological plausibility of a parakeet, though, Rachel essentially remains frisky fun even as the questions about her stepdad (Cary Elwes) grow to a life-destroying crisis pitch.

This is perverse even by director Garry Marshall's standards. Sure, you may think of him as the lovable old entertainer behind "Happy Days" and those nice "Princess Diaries" movies. But this is also the guy who gave us the cheery prostitute recruitment film "Pretty Woman" and Rosie O'Donnell in fetish gear in "Exit to Eden."

Marshall's outdone himself with "Georgia Rule." The film's blithe manipulation of psychosexual trauma feels sick in a deep, terribly unnerving way.

Bob Strauss, [phone]

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GEORGIA RULE - Two stars

(R: sex, language)

Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Jane Fonda, Felicity Huffman, Dermot Mulroney, Garrett Hedlund, Cary Elwes.

Director: Garry Marshall.

Running time: 1 hr. 51 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: Tone-deaf sex farce / sex-abuse comedy-drama / chick-flick /perv fest. With Mormons.

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Photo:

Georgia (Jane Fonda) puts aside her harsh demeanor to help unhappy granddaughter Rachel (Lindsay Lohan) in the confusingly psychosexual "Georgia Rule."