ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF WHAT'S REALLY UP WITH STATE OF THE UNION?Byline: STEVE YOUNG What He Say? - In delivering the Democrats' State of the Union response in Spanish, Mayor Villaraigosa insisted that he be able to translate without being held to presenting an exact translation. Democrat leaders were distraught to discover that in his rebuttal rebuttal n. evidence introduced to counter, disprove or contradict the opposition's evidence or a presumption, or responsive legal argument. the mayor had offered some actual ideas. ``Now what'll we do?'' asked DNC DNC Democratic National Committee DNC Democratic National Convention DNC Do Not Call DNC Delaware North Companies DNC Domain Name Commissioner DNC Direct Numerical Control DNC Do Not Change DNC Does Not Compute DNC Digital Nautical Chart leader Howard Dean Howard Brush Dean III (born November 17, 1948) is an American politician and physician from the U.S. state of Vermont, and currently the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, the central organ of the Democratic Party at the national level. . ``We told the mayor he could translate, not make us go to work.'' Oil Sobriety - The president is serious about the country's addiction to oil. Right after his speech he immediately sent Dick Cheney into rehab. He'll Be Here All Week - Calling for a new civil tone in Washington, the president said, ``... we must act in a spirit of good will and respect for one another.'' After both sides of the aisle collapsed in laughter, Karl Rove  The external links in this article or section may require cleanup to comply with Wikipedia's content policies. announced that the president will spend the next two weeks bringing his message across the country to every improvisation and comedy store. Human Animal Hybrid - The president didn't give any specifics but the word is that it will be built from Ed Begley's chromosomes and get about 75 miles to the gallon. No Disagreement Here - Reaction to the president's State of the Union speech was no surprise. Republicans thought it was the greatest speech ever given. Democrats thought it would cause cancer. IN OTHER NEWS Another Presidential Vacation - With the announcement that ABC's ``Commander-In-Chief'' will go on a six-week vacation, anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan Cindy Lee Miller Sheehan (born July 10, 1957) is an American anti-war activist, whose son, Casey Sheehan, was killed during his service in the Iraq War on April 4, 2004, aged 24. announced that she will camp outside ABC studios ABC Studios is Disney-ABC Television Group's television production company. The company was established as Touchstone Television in 1985 and renamed in May 2007 to its latest inception. until Geena Davis Virginia Elizabeth "Geena" Davis (born January 21 1956) is an Academy Award and Golden Globe-winning and Emmy-nominated American actress and former fashion model. Biography Early life comes out to speak with her. A bill approved by the state Senate on Monday bars state employees from making videos intended to look like objective news reports. The Governor's Office disagreed with the new legislation. ``One look at any of our videos would make it clear that the governor never intended them to be objective,'' said an anonymous staffer who asked to be named. ``If he wanted to make something be impartial, why would he have become a politician? Founding Fathers Out of Step - Following his view that the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA Noun 1. FISA - an act passed by Congress in 1978 to establish procedures for requesting judicial authorization for foreign intelligence surveillance and to create the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court; intended to increase United States counterintelligence; ), enacted in the '70s, is obsolete for today's needs, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales For the New York Yankees infielder, see . Alberto Gonzales (born August 4 1955) is an American jurist who served as the 80th Attorney General of the United States. Gonzales was appointed to the post in February 2005 by President George W. Bush. announced that there are other statutes that will be needed to be brought up to date or completely ignored. ``The Constitution was written over 200 years ago,'' said Gonzales. ``It's a different world today. Let's face it, the British are no longer the threat they once were. ``Gloria Gaynor Beware - Western Japan has imposed a ban on youths under 16 going alone to any establishment with a karaoke machine after 7 p.m. In another ruling, murdering anyone, any time, any place, who sings ``I Will Survive'' will be regarded as justifiable homicide justifiable homicide n. a killing without evil or criminal intent, for which there can be no blame, such as self-defense to protect oneself or to protect another, or the shooting by a law enforcement officer in fulfilling his/her duties. . Oil Profits Hysterically Large - Exxon Oil reported $10 billion in last-quarter profits, surprising the admittedly nongouging corporation. ``It's not the huge profits that's so hard to believe,'' said Exxon spokesperson Rich Aziwannabe, ``it's the fact that we're allowed to get away with it that keeps breaking us up.'' Big Bird Reform - In an attempt to clean up corruption in Washington, Republicans are urging lobbyists to change the name of K Street to Sesame Street. ``If we can't get rid of the stench of corruption,'' said Rep. Rick Santorum, R-Pa. ``at least we can make it more kid-friendly.'' Still Doesn't Know Jack - White House officials now admit to at least 35,000 pictures that the president took with Jack Abramoff. ``If I had a dollar for every lobbyist I took 35,000 pictures with, I'd be a wealthy man,'' said the president, ``which I understand I am ... which I guess proves it.'' Dual Usage Tunnel - Border Guard officials believe the tunnel that stretched from Mexico to the U.S. was not only used for drugs but also for smuggling smuggling, illegal transport across state or national boundaries of goods or persons liable to customs or to prohibition. Smuggling has been carried on in nearly all nations and has occasionally been adopted as an instrument of national policy, as by Great Britain illegal aliens. ``We haven't finished going through every passage yet,'' said a border guard spokesman, ``but it seems that they all end up at a different Home Depot parking lot entrance.'' It Just Ain't Fair - In a act of defiance, Saddam Hussein stormed out of the courtroom after being told that while he could act as his own lawyer, he couldn't act as his own judge and jury. ``This isn't any court I'm familiar with,'' said the former butcher. ``What are they going to say next ... that rape, torture and murder are somehow wrong?'' Bad Fox News Day - In a strange twist from past forecasting, groundhog Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and said there'll be six more weeks of Bill O'Reilly. Sports Bulletin! For those looking forward to watching the Super Bowl later today, the NFL NFL abbr. National Football League NFL (US) n abbr (= National Football League) → Fußball-Nationalliga has announced the game would not be shown to make room for the commercials which, for the most part, is why most people are watching anyway. CAPTION(S): 2 photos Photo: (1 -- color) Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa comments on President Bush's State of the Union address “State of the Union” redirects here. For other uses, see State of the Union (disambiguation). The State of the Union is an annual address in which the President of the United States reports on the status of the country, normally to a joint session of Congress (the . Damian Dovarganes/Associated Press (2 -- color) Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein argues with the new chief judge at his trial in Baghdad. David Furst/AFP/Getty Images |
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