ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF SO LONG, WE BARELY KNEW YOU.

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

Everyone has limits: Orange County Executive Officer Thomas G. Mauk quit the Los Angeles County chief administrative post one day after accepting it. ``I wanted to spend more time with my family,'' Mauk said. ``I made some good friends and wish the next 365 people who take the job over the next year well.''

P.R. goes bad? I beg to differ: A Cartoon Network promotion that Boston thought was a terrorist act ended up tying the city up in knots, received national attention and was shown up on every channel other than the Home Shopping Network. The press people who perpetrated the stunt were arrested, and then immediately awarded a substantial pay raise.

Coyote ugly: Frequent coyote sightings in Beverly Hills have some in 90210 suspecting nefarious motives. ``I wouldn't put it past the Valley commoners to be transporting those scrawny creatures into our neighborhood,'' said one Rodeo Drive shopper. ``They've always been jealous of our God-given right to own better things than they can afford.''

You're fired: At his ``State of the Economy'' speech, President George W. Bush lambasted excessive salaries and bonuses for corporate executives, saying that ``salaries and bonuses should be based on their success at improving their companies and bringing value to their shareholders.'' The president immediately took a 75 percent pay cut.

A little too early? Legislators are attempting to move California's presidential primary up to make it more relevant in selecting candidates. Unfortunately, every state has thought to do the same thing, causing the very real possibility of the 2008 California primary being held in early 2006, prior to the congressional midterms.

It couldn't have lasted: With the presidential race starting in earnest, Rumor and Innuendo have announced a parting of the ways. ``He's always spreading unsubstantiated stories about me,'' Innuendo said.

``Oh, yeah,'' Rumor countered. ``Ask her about her cherry-picking anything I say or do and blowing it up into some big deal.''

The breakup of the partnership will be handled by the law firm of Grin & Barrett.

My plan is more inadequate: No, my plan is more inadequate! Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and President Bush are at odds over which is the best way to give Americans proper medical coverage. Fortunately, if this fight comes to fisticuffs and injuries ensue, the governor and the president will be able to afford the hospitalization. Just no one else.

Heavyweight party partners: Former boxing champ Mike Tyson has checked into the same exclusive Wonderland Center rehab facility where Lindsay Lohan is currently being treated for drug and alcohol addiction. ``It wasn't so much I wanted to get clean,'' said the washed-up- everything. ``I just heard that Lindsay's parties were way more better in here than any I could find on the outside. Besides, it was the only party I was allowed into.''

Bigger better? The MTA has announced that its North Hollywood to Woodland Hills Orange Line will begin running a 65-foot-long bus this summer, providing riders with extra room and more seats. With the intense competition between the MTA bus lines escalating, it's no wonder that the announcement was quickly followed by the Gold Line announcing plans for a 65-foot wide bus.

Threatening to surpass them all, the Crossing Over The Line is reporting its intention to build a bus as long as its entire route. ``That way, riders will actually get to walk to their stop while still on the bus,'' said an MTA spokesman who missed his bus while speaking.

Don't run with ... hiccup ... scissors: There has been an outbreak of moms getting together to share a bottle of wine while their young children play nearby. ``I know it seems rather negligent for me to be drinking while my kid -- or kids, or how many I have -- play,'' slurred one very happy mommy. ``But besides the alcohol keeping me from killing them, it helps me ... I'll be back to you right after my nap.''

Coming next week: My guaranteed Super Bowl predictions, including what embarrassing gaffe will take place during the halftime show.

Farewells: She wrote up a smart, satirical storm -- a fond good-bye to columnist Molly Ivins.

Thank you for your service: Condolences to the Berwager family of West Hills for the loss of daughter, sister and aunt, Navy Lt. Laura J. Mankey, who died during a military training flight.