ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF SADDAM PROVES TOO HOT FOR HELL.Return to sender: Saddam Hussein showed up back in Iraq after being refused entrance to Hades Hades (hā`dēz), in Greek and Roman religion and mythology. 1 The ruler of the underworld: see Pluto. 2 The world of the dead, ruled by Pluto and Persephone, located either underground or in the far west beyond the . ``Even we have our limits,'' Lucifer said. ``Sure we have our particularities down here, but that guy is sick.'' Less is more: Views of Saddam's hoodless hanging has surpassed Britney Spears' pantyless shots on YouTube. ``We've shown that YouTube quality is our main concern,'' YouTube gazillionaire Mo Neefornuthin said. ``The less of it, the more profitable we get.'' Get out: Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., and head of the House Ways and Means WAYS AND MEANS. In legislative assemblies there is usually appointed a committee whose duties are to inquire into, and propose to the house, the ways and means to be adopted to raise funds for the use of the government. This body is called the committee of ways and means. Committee evicted Vice President Dick Cheney from his office in the Capitol. ``I don't have a problem with Charlie taking my office,'' Cheney said. ``In fact, I invited him to come on a hunting trip with me next weekend.'' Hannity was right: Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., took her oath of office An oath of office is an oath or affirmation a person takes before undertaking the duties of an office, usually a position in government or within a religious body, although such oaths are sometimes required of officers of other organizations. , immediately moved Congress to San Francisco and called for every session of Congress to begin with a gay pride parade A gay pride parade or LGBT pride parade is part of a festival or ceremony held by the LGBT community of a city to commemorate the struggle for LGBT rights and pride. . Or was I just listening to talk radio? Fueling change: Congressional Democrats plan to fulfill one of their first legislative promises by raising the minimum wage, which will allow us to finally afford the gas prices for our drive to the poorhouse poor·house n. An establishment maintained at public expense as housing for the homeless. poorhouse Noun same as workhouse Noun 1. . Lost and found: Former New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of mayor and presidential possibility Rudy Giuliani left behind his strategy plans at a campaign stop, and they've been leaked to the press. In a file entitled ``Next Mayor of the U.S.'' were secret documents revealing a marriage vow Giuliani did not break. Warning -- ``24'' Spoiler spoiler: see airplane. 1. spoiler - A remark which reveals important plot elements from books or movies, thus denying the reader (of the article) the proper suspense when reading the book or watching the movie. 2. : Keifer Sutherland's character, Jack Bauer, will watch his closest friends die while he himself will be beaten, shot, blown up, all in one day, ending up the day single-handedly saving the U.S. from complete annihilation ... and all of that will be believable. But, the second black U.S. president in three years? C'mon. Tasty, not: Starbucks is cutting all trans fats from its doughnuts and muffins. A spokesperson for the mega-location coffee house said that the cuts will not take away from the Starbucks credo. ``Although the loss of trans fats will result in less taste,'' said Dee Caff, ``we will continue to overcharge for everything.'' He just liked the smell: A book that Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., wrote years ago reveals that in high school the potential presidential candidate used cocaine and marijuana. His campaign isn't sure whether this will effect his presidential possibilities, but he has been invited to pledge every single college fraternity in the country. Easier than a GPS: Los Angeles World Airports Los Angeles World Airports or LAWA is the airport oversight and operations department for the city of Los Angeles, California. This department owns and operates Los Angeles International Airport, LA/Ontario International Airport, Palmdale Regional Airport, and Van is changing the name of Ontario Airport to L.A./Ontario Airport. ``We're not trying to promote Ontario,'' said an LAWA LAWA Los Angeles World Airports LAWA Lawrence's Warbler (bird species) spokesman. ``We're just having a major problem with pilots landing in Canada.'' Running out of heat: ``The O.C.,'' the once-hot teenage television soap opera, was canceled this week. ``To tell you the truth, it wasn't that the show was failing,'' said a Fox VP. ``We just couldn't find anyone hot in Orange County.'' One can dream: As of Jan. 1, a bundle of new laws has taken effect, but the one which is getting most of the attention is a law making it illegal for Donald Trump or Rosie O'Donnell to procreate pro·cre·ate v. 1. To beget and conceive offspring; to reproduce. 2. To produce or create; originate. pro . Guilty with an explanation: Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was arrested again, this time for drug possession. ``Wouldn't you take drugs if you were me,'' Tyson asked the judge. Case dismissed! Prediction clarified: 700 Club President Pat Robertson announced that God told him that there would be a terrorist attack in the U.S. this year, resulting in mass killings. God immediately put out a statement saying that Robertson had misunderstood what He said. ``What I actually said was, `Shut up already,''' said The Big Guy. ``I can understand how Pat misunderstood.'' Time to mend: Lindsay Lohan has had her appendix removed. A spokesperson for the actress said that the procedure would keep the actress from partying until at least 10 p.m. What took so long? Breaking a record that's been on the books since 2006, every single New Year's resolution A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until the set made for 2007 has been broken. |
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