ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF MAYOR GETS A CZAR, MARTHA A NICKNAME.

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

Mayor's first full week: Antonio Villaraigosa's naming of an ethics czar to ``restore the public's faith and trust in local government'' has Los Angeles politicians all in a snit. One local politician, who asked to remain anonymous, said that ethics had no place in politics or government. ``If we start basing our decisions on integrity and high-minded principles, we'll never be able to get anything done ... nor afford even the smallest Ventura beach home.''

Many insiders believe that the need for an ethics czar - who may make up to $140,000 a year - came out of the extensive graft and corruption that surrounded the battle to become head of the new ethics program.

O'Connor announces her retirement: It could not have been easy being the first-ever female Supreme Court justice. Sandra Day O'Connor ended up being the lone dissenter in the 8-1 decision in the landmark, Shapiro v. Shapiro, ``He Keeps Leaving the Seat Up'' case. Over the years, she had to deal with the usual harassment from the men on the court, including Justice Clarence Thomas' catchphrase, ``nice butt,'' every time she left the room. O'Connor faced constant hassles, relieved only slightly when fellow female Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg joined the court.

More supremes: In a surprise move, word is that President George W. Bush is leaning toward Judge Judy as O'Connor's replacement. While most court watchers find her ``just adorable,'' a firestorm of concerns has developed for conservative and liberal groups who have put tens of millions into their court ``war chests.'' With no-need-to-run commercials against Ms. Judy, the problem now is what to do with all the money collected. Suggestions that the extremist organizations give surplus millions to charity were met with a snickering, ``No, seriously.''

Martha Stewart nicknamed: In her recent Vanity Fair interview, the Grande Dame of Glam, revealed that her nickname in prison was ``M-Diddy.'' That actually took second place. What was not disclosed was the name that her sister inmates had actually voted No. 1 was ``Queen Thinks Her (expletive) Doesn't Stink.''

Karl Rove could be the leaker: Rumors continue to surround the identity of the person who leaked the identity of CIA agent Valerie Plame, wife of Joseph Wilson, the man who shot down the story that Saddam Hussein was attempting to purchase uranium yellow cake from Niger. The main focus is on Karl Rove, the president's chief political adviser, who admitted that he never hid the fact that he found former ambassador Joseph Wilson a boring guy.

So when reporters like Robert Novak asked about Wilson, he meant to say, ``Wilson's life is lame,'' and it came out, ``Wilson's wife is Plame.''

Man wins house he can't afford: File this one under good news, bad news. Because of exorbitant federal tax on his winnings, real-estate tax and utility expenses, it seems the man who won a $1.5 million Beverly Hills home in a raffle for a nonprofit agency may not be able to afford it. While some might find it odd that an unaffordable house won in raffle was run by a group that helps finance affordable housing for low- to middle-income families, the larger question is ... how did they find a house in Beverly Hills for $1.5 million?

Dodgers' injuries hit big time: Gagne, Kent, Izturis, Drew, etc., etc., etc. With one Dodger after another going down to injuries, it should be no surprise to anyone when in a recent game with Houston, every player on the team simultaneously burst into flames and exploded.

Manager Jim Tracy, who suffered third-degree burns while trying to put out rookie pitcher J. T. Houlton, didn't feel it would hurt the team's chances of making the playoffs. General Manager Paul DePodesta supported his manager, saying the team would not rush into trading away the future as he called up the entire West Hills Pinto League Champs for today's game. ``Those kids can do the job,'' said the beleaguered GM, ``though the after-game Slurpee expense may force us to raise ticket prices.''

``War of the Worlds'' not faked: In a follow-up to Tom Cruise's belief that there is no such thing as chemical imbalance and that psychiatry is a pseudo-science, reports suggest that the only way director Steven Spielberg was able to get Cruise to take the role in ``War of the Worlds'' was to tell him it was a documentary. Sh-h-h.

President believes global warming a fact: At the G-8 conference, and for the first time, President Bush has admitted that human activity does cause global warming and will work to rid the world of the danger to the environment. While environmentalists first cheered the president's words, their celebration was short-lived when they discovered that the human activity the president believed responsible was from the environmentalists.

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(color) Domestic diva Martha Stewart revealed to Vanity Fair that her nickname while in prison was ``M-Diddy.''

David Turnley/Getty Images