ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF MAYBE 'NOT LOST' WOULD BE HIT SHOW.Byline: STEVE YOUNG Um,maybe you oughta turn off your TV: Most passengers aboard JetBlue flight 292, as it circled for three hours over LAX, were watching televisions at their seats tuned to news channels covering their flight's little problem. In what could only be considered heroic, but somewhat misguided, the flight attendants had everyone change the channel to ABC ABC in full American Broadcasting Co. Major U.S. television network. It began when the expanding national radio network NBC split into the separate Red and Blue networks in 1928. in New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of , which was showing ... ``Lost.'' D'oh. Dodgers disaster upgraded to Category 4(th place): Even with the season-long advance notice of the devastating dev·as·tate tr.v. dev·as·tat·ed, dev·as·tat·ing, dev·as·tates 1. To lay waste; destroy. 2. To overwhelm; confound; stun: was devastated by the rude remark. consequences, the Dodger front office seemed to be caught off guard, and the finger-pointing has begun. Some are blaming the general manager, Paul DePodesta Paul DePodesta (born December 16, 1972) is baseball front-office assistant for the San Diego Padres. He has also served as general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers from February 16, 2004 to October 29, 2005. , who appeared oblivious to the lack of support his own player moves had produced. ``It wasn't until we were 20 or 30 games under .500, with 12 to play, that we realized the playoffs weren't a realistic goal,'' said the high-paid, recent high school grad. Some are blaming Manager Jim Tracy
The Arizona Diamondbacks (also referred to as the D-backs) are a Major League Baseball team based in Phoenix, Arizona. They play in the West Division of the National League. . Still, the owner of the Dodgers seemed completely oblivious to the lack of proper response to the team's problems. ``You're doing a heck of a job, Brownie,'' said Frank McCourt
Francis "Frank" McCourt (born August 19, 1930) is an Irish-American teacher and author. , unaware that pitcher Kevin Brown The name Kevin Brown can refer to several different people, including the following:
But leave it to former manager Tommy Lasorda
Investigations `R' U.S.:: Seeking a balance with the president's suggestion that he be in charge of investigating his own administration's slow and ineffectual response to Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has set up his own investigation into why he has such a big mouth. In other investigation news: Congressional Democrats announced that they needn't investigate what they've done wrong ``because,'' said one unidentified senator from Massachusetts, ``before you do something wrong you first have to do something.'' This just in to Investigation News Central:Hurricane Katrina will begin an inquiry into Hurricane Rita. Scheduling snafu: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger scheduled the special election for Christopher Cox's congressional seat for Oct. 4, the first full day of the Jewish High Holy Days period. Will the governor's calendar director please call the governor's ``He is not anti-Semitic'' director? Some people say that oil companies are gouging Gouging can be:
When he was interrupted so he could be asked, ``But why would the price of the fuel in the California gas station tanks be raised when the fuel was originally purchased by the oil company at a far lesser price?'' Mr. McWealthy said ... Mr. McWealthy? Mr. McWealthy? Where the heck did he go? Can she get any thinner? Reports that Kate Moss may have been using cocaine were followed quickly with both Burberry and Chanel nixing contracts with the 23-pound supermodel. In an attempt to elude the pestering paparazzi pa·pa·raz·zo n. pl. pa·pa·raz·zi A freelance photographer who doggedly pursues celebrities to take candid pictures for sale to magazines and newspapers. as she left her lawyer's office, Moss disappeared through a pay telephone coin slot. Kanye West doesn't know what he's rappin' about: Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman has defended President George W. Bush's seeming obliviousness to the poverty-stricken people of New Orleans. ``It wasn't that the president had ignored the needs of poor people,'' said Mehlman, ``as much as he didn't realize they still existed.'' Beer flavor news: Anheuser-Busch is test-marketing a blueberry blueberry, plant of the large genus Vaccinium, widely distributed shrubs (occasionally small trees) of the family Ericaceae (heath family), usually found on acid soil. They are often confused with the related huckleberry. beer called Wild Blue in western Michigan bars and package stores. In what can only be considered retaliation, Kelloggs has announced the release of its new Scotch-flavored Froot Loops. Kids are warned to pull over to the side of the kitchen before eating breakfast. Write-your-own-punch-line news: A rubber company in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names Clinton and Lewinsky. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: (color) Sparks fly when JetBlue's airliner with faulty landing gear safely Wednesday at LAX, but emergency crews were standing by. Stephen Carr/Staff Photographer |
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