ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF JUST ANOTHER NOTCH IN THE OLD RESUME.

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

What's one more job? Los Angeles Mayor Villaraigosa surprisingly agreed with Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky that Los Angeles County should have its own mayor. ``It's a super idea,'' said the multi-tasking mayor, soon to be head of the L.A. Unified School District. ``I can't wait to get started mayoring the county. I've got plenty of extra time between 3 and 4 a.m.''

My dog ate it: White House insiders say that Barney the dog had gotten hold of the Iraq Study Group's report, or it was lost in the mail and never got to the White House, or it's behind the dryer with the missing sock. ``It's one of those,'' said presidential spokesman Tony Snow. ``In any event, I'm sure he'll get it read before spring break.''

So soon? The 109th Congress ended its term this past week with Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, R-Wis., admitting Republicans had forgotten to get started. ``If we would have known that it would be over so fast we would have gotten something done by now,'' Hastert said.

Innocuously spoofable: The only existing person yet to be made fun of by the film ``Borat'' and its creator, Sasha Baron Cohen, has filed suit in a Kazakh court. ``What am I ... chopped liver?'' said Swedish agnostic Ed. ``It's discrimination, plain and clear. Having no belief, in itself, is a belief. And if that isn't mockable, what is?''

Adjust to win a new way forward to stay the course: President George W. Bush has deferred telling the American public what his new strategy in Iraq will be until 2007. ``The president has already decided on a plan,'' Snow said. ``We just haven't come up with a decent catchphrase to sell it. Right now, `Victory Means Anything We Want It To Mean' seems to be the best we can come up with.''

Why wait? The media are considering replacing Bush with Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., sometime within the next couple months. ``Elections are such a bother,'' said a People magazine editor. ``And if we don't put the attractive, charismatic, well-spoken senator in the White House right now, we might end up with someone we don't like to write about.''

Duck on the sauce: Bruce Tinsley, creator of the ``Mallard Fillmore'' comic strip, was arrested this past week for operating a vehicle under the influence -- his second alcohol-related arrest in less than four months, according to the Bartholomew County (Indiana) Sheriff's Department. ``This is not funny,'' said the arresting officer. ``I was speaking about his comic strip,'' he clarified.

No one's perfect: Lindsay Lohan admitted that she's been going to Alcoholics Anonymous for a year and hasn't had a drink for seven days. ``This is a big deal for me,'' Lohan said. ``Hopefully, one day I can do those seven days in a row.''

Vote for whom? Rep. Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, placed his hat in the 2008 presidential ring this past week, ending talk that he had gotten the message in 2004. ``I know a lot of people don't even know who I am,'' said some guy who calls himself Kucinich. ``But in the next two years, everyone will know who lost by a landslide.''

The next Chapter 11 of his life: Former Enron CEO Jeffery Skilling, not smart enough to die before going to prison, entered a Wisconsin facility to begin serving a 24-year, six-month sentence. ``We've already taken the precaution of declaring bankruptcy,'' the warden said. ``We figured we'd get it out of the way before Skilling got hold of our books.''

You get what you pay for: A dinner with Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco delivered a winning figure of $1 at a recent fundraising auction. ``Sure, one dollar seems an odd bid,'' said the anonymous bidder. ``But, unfortunately, nobody had change.''

What Terri Schiavo? With Sen. Tim Johnson, D-S.D., in critical condition, his possible death could lead to the South Dakota Republican governor's selecting a Republican replacement, who would give back the Senate majority back to the GOP. Outgoing Majority Leader Bill Frist immediately jumped into action, examining the audio tape of Johnson slurring during a phone interview and determined him to be clinically dead.

The Florida Golden Globes: In a shock to longtime Golden Globe watchers, Al Gore's ``An Inconvenient Truth,'' thought to be a sure bet for a Best Documentary Golden Globe nomination, was nudged out of the voting. ``We thought we had voted for Gore's documentary,'' said one anonymous elderly voter. ``But somehow we all wrote in Buchanan.''

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Photo:

(color) Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa develops another set of job skills, with Kirk and Anne Douglas, at a Thanksgiving lunch for the homeless at the Los Angeles Mission.

Gabriel Bouys/Getty Images