ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF HUSSEIN DEMANDING LEGAL, OTHER BRIEFS.Byline: STEVE YOUNG
Hussein Court TV: Saddam refused to attend his own trial, and if he isn't given better underwear, when - I mean, if - found guilty, he is threatening to boycott his execution.
Dodgers select new manager: The Dodgers selected former Boston Red Sox The Boston Red Sox are a professional baseball team based in Boston, Massachusetts. The Red Sox are a member and currently champions of the Eastern Division of Major League Baseball’s American League. From to the present, the Red Sox have played in Fenway Park. manager Grady Little William Grady Little (born March 30, 1950 in Abilene, Texas) is a manager in Major League Baseball. He guided the Boston Red Sox from 2002 to 2003, and has been manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers since 2006. as their new manager. Team owner Frank McCourt
Francis "Frank" McCourt (born August 19, 1930) is an Irish-American teacher and author. gave Little a strong vote of confidence, a sure-fire sign that Little may be on his way out.
War on Christmas update: With a BillO'Reilly.com Web page headed ``Recommended Holiday Gifts'' instead of ``Recommended Christmas Gifts,'' Fox news commentator Bill O'Reilly Bill O'Reilly may refer to:
Too many notes? A DNA DNA: see nucleic acid.
or deoxyribonucleic acid
One of two types of nucleic acid (the other is RNA); a complex organic compound found in all living cells and many viruses. It is the chemical substance of genes. investigation has determined that the late composer Ludwig van Beethoven died from lead poisoning lead poisoning or plumbism (plŭm`bĭz'əm), intoxication of the system by organic compounds containing lead. . The analysis is 99.99 percent reliable, which will once and for all prove to everyone how he died - except, of course, to the O.J. Simpson jury.
Arnold brings in Democrat: With the addition of a former Gray Davis Cabinet secretary, Democrat Susan P. Kennedy, as the governor's new chief of staff, the state GOP is in an uproar. But the governor's spokesperson said the move was absolutely necessary. ``There were still a few people in the Republican Party who actually liked the governor,'' said the anonymous staffer. ``And with the president's poll numbers threatening to go lower than the governor's, we knew we had to do something to regain our lack of momentum.''
In other replacement news, President George W. Bush is in talks with Howard Dean Howard Brush Dean III (born November 17, 1948) is an American politician and physician from the U.S. state of Vermont, and currently the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, the central organ of the Democratic Party at the national level. to replace Karl Rove The external links in this article or section may require cleanup to comply with Wikipedia's content policies. .
Still unaccounted for An inclusive term (not a casualty status) applicable to personnel whose person or remains are not recovered or otherwise accounted for following hostile action. Commonly used when referring to personnel who are killed in action and whose bodies are not recovered. : This coming week ABC's ``Lost'' will showcase the UCLA UCLA University of California at Los Angeles
UCLA University Center for Learning Assistance (Illinois State University)
UCLA University of Carrollton, TX and Lower Addison, TX football team's defense.
DeLay charge dismissed: Lawyers for the embattled congressman say the dismissal of a conspiracy charge shows that Tom DeLay was actually the target of a partisan prosecutor. ``Now there's only left a couple of felony laundering charges for DeLay to deal with,'' said an anonymous contributor. ``And if we're going to let illegal fundraising stop a politician from serving, then this isn't the America I thought I bought access into.''
Other War on Christmas news: Secular progressives will seek to have Dec. 25 completely removed from all calendars and replaced with a nonsectarian happy face.
Defining torture not easy: Television networks have asked for an exemption from Sen. John McCain's anti-torture bill. ``How are we supposed to create generic, lowest-denominator TV with our hands tied behind our back?'' asked network executive I. Kant Believetheypaymeforthis. ``I'll tell you what's torture: telling my boss that the trash we're paying millions of dollars to put on the air is good entertainment. Tell Condoleeza Rice to try and sell that to Europe.''
Dean sticks what's left of his foot in his mouth: This past week, Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean said that ``America is a horrible, evil country run by extremely ugly Republicans who want to kill babies.'' The chairman's spokesperson explained that the former Vermont governor meant that ``the Republicans aren't doing a good enough job with health care.''
``If the media is going to continue to quote the chairman verbatim,'' said Dez Ainteasy, ``then how are the American people An American people may be:
The real story behind the title: In an attempt to save money on ink and space, producers of the film ``The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe'' shortened the title from the original, ``The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, the Wardrobe and the Piece of Food Caught In Their Teeth.''
Have the gorgeous no compassion?: Brad Pitt has asked the court to let him officially adopt gal pal Angelina Jolie's children. Seemingly magnanimous mag·nan·i·mous
1. Courageously noble in mind and heart.
2. Generous in forgiving; eschewing resentment or revenge; unselfish. , the move has those in the adoption community concerned. ``Sure, it's great to have both a mother and a father,'' said one orphans' advocate, ``but now these poor children will have to grow up with double the problem, having to explain why they don't look as good as either parent.''
(color) Former Iraqi President Saddam Husseim has proven himself to be an active, and very vocal, participant in his trial.
Stefan Zaklin/Pool/Getty Images