ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF DELAY'S MUG SHOT HAS HIS FOES SMILING.

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

Fun with pictures: For those who think that Tom DeLay's smiling mug shot accomplished his objective of not giving the Democrats something to use against him, you might want to think again. Here's a few captions to start you off:

At Least I'm Not Rove

Hair By Prell, Teeth By Colgate, Indictment By Earle

Got Money?

Will Work 4 Scottish Golf Trips

I Am Not A Crook

Pardon me? Please.

AWM* 50+, loves intimidation, long walks on Democrats, off-census-year redistricting, weak admonishments, loaded congressional committees, laundering cash, looking for MWP, 50+, with penchant for pardons. (* Arrogant White Male.)

Miers pulls out: - Saying she had become a ``burden for the White House,'' Harriet Miers withdrew her nomination for the Supreme Court. Presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said the president wasn't eager to accept her withdrawal. ``If being a burden was a legitimate reason for leaving,'' said McClellan, ``we'd have to get rid of half the White House.''

McDonald's finds health: Seeking to counter charges that its food is unhealthy and contributes to obesity, McDonald's Corp. announced Tuesday that it will display nutrition facts on the menu item packaging. Unfortunately, food itself will continue to be unhealthy. ``As soon as we find something healthy in the food, we'll be certain to let you know,'' said spokesman Ronald McMcMc. ``But that food packaging. Pure nutrition.''

Katrina scoffs at Wilma: ``She is so done,'' said a spokesperson for Hurricane Katrina in referring to the latest storm. ``Katrina made every hurricane to come after simply wannabes. Rita tried and did a decent job, but lacked what we call in the hurricane P.R. biz as killing impact. Wilma is just a joke.''

Going for the record: With the sad passing of the 2,000th U.S. fatality in Iraq, Vice President Dick Cheney believes the pressure is off. ``Now we can do the war thing without these unnecessary distractions,'' said the darkly charming chickenhawk.

Democrats not responsible for anything: The Democratic National Committee issued a statement relinquishing any responsibility for any of our soldiers' deaths in Iraq. ``Sure, most of us voted for the war,'' said the release, ``but, criminy, we didn't mean a war where anyone would die.''

Oops: It seems that Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist did receive inside information on stock that he owns that he previously said he did not know that he owned. A statement from the senator/doctor/multimillion-dollar hospital chain owner's office read: ``My previous denials that I never knew I owned the stock that I sold and did not know that I had received inside information from which I learned that I should sell the stock I didn't know I had, is very, very weak and is now resting comfortably in one of the private hospitals I just found out I own.''

Mixing lemon metaphors: In a speech last week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger urged voters to support Proposition 74, which, he says, brings accountability in the classrooms. ``We currently have a system of dancing lemons,'' said Schwarzenegger. ``Ask a car salesman; a lemon is a bad car you can't get rid of. It's like a school that is locked into a bad teacher.'' When pressed as to how the word ``dancing'' works in his analogy, the governor said, ``Teachers should be teaching, not dancing, and it's time to take those dancing teaching lemons and turn them into dancing teaching lemonade, which then should be served to dancing union lemons who refuse to dance with me.'' Thirsty anyone?

Last special-election guide note: Proposition 75, Public Employee Union Dues. Restrictions on Political Contributions. Employee Consent Requirement.

Yes: You just hate to watch our poor governor forced to go through all those phony photo ops, fatty Republican dinners, and faintly questionable, multimillion-dollar fees from conflict-of-interest muscle mags, just to outspend his opponents.

No: You're happy that unions do not have to go to all that much trouble to use members' dues to spend on things like, oh, I don't know, say, getting a Democrat elected. And why not? Corporations do it ... except for the Democrat part.

Thank you, Rosa Parks: Has there ever been a single bus ride that has so exquisitely gifted humanity?

CAPTION(S):

photo

Photo:

(color) U.S. Rep Tom DeLay (R. Texas) manages a politician's smile in his booking photo Oct. 20 in Houston, Texas.

Harris County Sheriff's Office via Getty Images