ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF CHENEY GAVE IRAN WARNING SHOT.Byline: STEVE YOUNG Author's note: Due to the past week's deluge of Dick Cheney-shot-a-guy-in-the-face jokes, I thought it best not to add to your misery. So I will not be writing any gags like: ``It was actually just a warning shot for Iran. If we'd shoot a 78-year-old lawyer friend, what the hell do you think we'd do to a nutso country building a nuclear bomb?'' or ``Guns don't shoot lawyers; vice presidents do.'' I will not insinuate in·sin·u·ate v. in·sin·u·at·ed, in·sin·u·at·ing, in·sin·u·ates v.tr. 1. To introduce or otherwise convey (a thought, for example) gradually and insidiously. See Synonyms at suggest. 2. that DUI attorney Myles Berman could see new client possibilities because friends don't let vice presidents plead guilty to shooting lawyer friends while drunk. Nor would I ever sing a ``Cheney's Got a Gun'' song parody - or even tell you that Cheney would get off by using the ever-popular ``but he's a lawyer'' defense. But if I did ... Dick shot the lawyer, but he did not shoot Dave Gregory
Dave Gregory (born September 21, 1952, in Swindon, Wiltshire, England) was the lead guitarist of the new wave / rock / pop band, XTC, from immediately prior to the : While the vice president did actually shoot an elderly man in the face, he did not shoot NBC's White House press corps reporter David Gregory David Gregory may refer to:
Wait'll next year: The Los Angeles Dodgers "Dodgers" and "Brooklyn Dodgers" redirect here. For the American football team, see Brooklyn Dodgers (football). For the Eastern Basketball Association team, see Brooklyn Dodgers (basketball). opened spring training this week and were promptly mathematically eliminated. ``It really wasn't lack of offense or pitching,'' said new General Manager Ned Colletti Ned Louis Colletti, Jr. is the General Manager for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Colletti graduated from East Leyden High School in Franklin Park, Illinois and Northern Illinois University. Colletti began his Major League Career in 1982 with the Chicago Cubs. . ``It was the math.'' Preposterous painful payback: After reading that wounded 1st Lt. William ``Eddie'' Rebrook IV had to pay the U.S. military $700 for his missing and bloodied body armor Noun 1. body armor - armor that protects the wearer's whole body body armour, cataphract, coat of mail, suit of armor, suit of armour armet - a medieval helmet with a visor and a neck guard or else his discharge would be held up, Iraqi insurgents Insurgents, in U.S. history, the Republican Senators and Representatives who in 1909–10 rose against the Republican standpatters controlling Congress, to oppose the Payne-Aldrich tariff and the dictatorial power of House speaker Joseph G. Cannon. sent Rebrook a bill for the cost of the bomb they used to blow him up. ``After reading about how the U.S. Army deals with its own men, we figured it would be worth a shot,'' said terrorist I. Yamnuts. ``These roadside bombs don't grow on trees.'' Ratings fall: The last-known remaining television viewer of the Winter Olympics has pulled out from watching the games due to a devastating dev·as·tate tr.v. dev·as·tat·ed, dev·as·tat·ing, dev·as·tates 1. To lay waste; destroy. 2. To overwhelm; confound; stun: was devastated by the rude remark. fall on his way back from the refrigerator. ``It was stupid really,''said Cal Chpotato. ``I was carrying way too many Velveeta cheese sandwiches while balancing a six-pack on my head and didn't notice my family members, who were watching 'American Idol.' It's a letdown, but I should be back in time for next year's 'Skating With Celebrities.''' Notice from the heart: The meeting of the guys who forgot to get something for their wives on Valentine's Day Valentine's Day: see Saint Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day Lovers' holiday celebrated on February 14, the feast day of St. Valentine, one of two 3rd-century Roman martyrs of the same name. St. has been moved from the Staples Center to the Convention Center to handle the overflow. Lessons will follow on how not to lose everything in the divorce. No more tortured Polaroids: With the fear that the newly released Abu Ghraib torture photographs would inflame the already strong resentment against the United States, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has put his foot down. ``For criminy sakes,'' said Rumsfeld, ``if you're going to torture someone, please, no pictures.'' Tom and Katie calling it quits? Not to worry fans. The rumors are premature. ``Before calling off the engagement there would be a trial separation,'' said Holmes' spokesman Will Kissbutt. ``Katie wants to separate before she ends up on trial.'' But if there is an actual breakup, one Scientology attorney said, ``Tom gets Oprah's couch.'' Hiatus? Yeah, right: The bad news is that the White House TV drama ``Commander-in-Chief,'' starring Geena Davis, will not be on the air during network sweeps - the kiss of death kiss of death gangsters’ farewell ritual before murdering victim. [Am. Cult.: Misc.] See : Farewell for a television show with weak ratings. The good news is that the move will give her vice president, Peter Coyote, time to get in some hunting. D'oh! Nice shot: Eight-year-old Toluca Lake basketball player Jake Gould hit a half-court shot that won his Pee Wee basketball game, made him an ESPN ESPN Entertainment and Sports Programming Network star and led Jake to bypass fourth grade and go directly into this year's NBA draft. But the big news is that Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa has named Jake to lead his effort to build a subway to the Pacific. ``We figured it was such a long shot,'' said the mayor, ``who better to take it?'' Memo to Cindy Sheehan: I wouldn't wear anything with feathers on your Easter holiday visit to Crawford. Presidents and their vice presidents tend to talk. |
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