ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF BUSH, SCHWARZENEGGER APPROVAL LAGGING.Byline: STEVE YOUNG Bush's numbers hit all-time low: Things are looking so bad for the president that in one recent poll, Bush only received a 50 percent approval rating. And that was a poll of the Bush twins. Bad numbers catching on: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's numbers are even lower than the president's as his approval rating of 63 percent one year ago has fallen to 39 percent (lower than former Gov. Gray Davis' on the day he lost the recall), with a majority of Californians against the special election the governor has called for November. On the positive side for voters, Schwarzenegger has kept his Screen Actors Guild dues paid up to date. Closest Iranian presidential election ever: The past week's election in Iran ended up in a near-dead heat. Many Iranians are calling for investigating irregularities, as it seems that an unusual amount of older voters ended up voting for Pat Buchanan  This article may be too long.Please discuss this issue on the talk page and help summarize or split the content into subarticles of an article series. . Utah Boy Scout found alive: Great news ... until Scout leaders took away the boy's ``Stay With the Group'' merit badge. California joins Mega Millions Mega Millions is a multi-state US$1 lottery game in the United States. Twelve U.S. states currently license Mega Millions as a provider of multistate lotteries in those states (29 states, the District of Columbia, and the US Virgin Islands license Powerball, Mega Millions' main lottery: The state's participation in the multistate lottery has shifted Californian's dreams of quick riches into high gear. ``Now there are so many more opportunities to spend our salaries on not winning,'' said one anonymous patron as he cashed his payroll check. Senator apologizes for Nazi-Gitmo comparison: Sen. Dick Durbin, D-Ill., apologized for his comments comparing Guantanamo Bay Noun 1. Guantanamo Bay - an inlet of the Caribbean Sea; a United States naval station was established on the bay in 1903 bay, embayment - an indentation of a shoreline larger than a cove but smaller than a gulf with Nazi death camps, Russian gulags and Cambodian killing fields, keying in on the uncomfortable temperature levels for the prisoners. Air-conditioning manufacturers and repairmen throughout the country say the apology isn't enough. ``Durbin seems to think that keeping prisons cool is easy,'' complained one Chatsworth air-conditioning repairman re·pair·man n. A man whose occupation is making repairs. Noun 1. repairman - a skilled worker whose job is to repair things maintenance man, service man . ``Let him try and find Freon in Cuba!'' Adelphia cable owners head for prison: John and Timothy Rigas were sentenced to 15 and 20 years, respectively, for their roles in the looting and debt-hiding scandal that plunged Adelphia into bankruptcy three years ago. The cable owners' attorney said that they would show up at the prison sometime between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. Compton Community College may lose accreditation: The academic agency that evaluates the state's two-year colleges announced this past week that it planned to revoke Compton's accreditation at summer's end, a move that could force the closure of the school, which serves 6,600 students. The state's top community college official is urging the troubled institution's board of trustees board of trustees Politics The posse of thugs who oversee an institution's administration. See Board of directors. to resign. Defending them against charges of fiscal mismanagement mis·man·age tr.v. mis·man·aged, mis·man·ag·ing, mis·man·ag·es To manage badly or carelessly. mis·man  age·ment n. , inept administration and inadequate evaluation, a representative of the school's trustees said the problems had all been addressed. ``The board had actually done its homework,'' said the unidentified spokesperson. ``Unfortunately, the dog ate it.'' Vice President disses Dean ... and Vermont: Seems that Dick Cheney is not a fan of Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean Howard Brush Dean III (born November 17, 1948) is an American politician and physician from the U.S. state of Vermont, and currently the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, the central organ of the Democratic Party at the national level. . ``I've never been able to understand his appeal,'' said the VP about the Green Mountain State's former governor in a FOX TV interview. ``He's never won anything, as best I can tell.'' A spokesperson from the state's ``Vermont Is Really a State'' commission took offense. ``The vice president forgets that Howard Dean was elected as governor of Vermont The Governor of Vermont is the executive magistrate of the U.S. state of Vermont. The governor is elected biennialy in even numbered years by direct voting for a term of two years. Vermont is one of only two U.S. five times, and since Vermont is part of this country, the vice president is demeaning de·mean 1 tr.v. de·meaned, de·mean·ing, de·means To conduct or behave (oneself) in a particular manner: demeaned themselves well in class. America and, if I might spin this thing for everything it's worth, every Vermont soldier who is in Iraq fighting for our country!'' The spokesperson added, ``Geesh.'' Oil prices race toward record $60 a barrel level: Experts say that it's not the oil that's raising the prices, it's just that the cost of barrels is running about $35. Apiece. Maybe if they start sending the oil over in something less costly ... say, reusable Glad bags. Anti-Hillary book hits the shelves: ``The Truth about Hillary: What She Knew, When She Knew It, and How Far She'll Go to Become President,'' by Edward Klein Edward Klein is a bestselling nonfiction author who has written about the Kennedys and Hillary Clinton. Klein is the former foreign editor of Newsweek and former editor in chief of The New York Times Magazine. has made a splash. An anonymous Clinton spokesperson said, ``The senator will not give the book credibility by commenting ... at least until she's had time to read the book's entire title.'' Jeb Bush John Ellis "Jeb" Bush (born February 11, 1953) is an American politician, and was the 43rd Governor of Florida as well as the first Republican to be re-elected to that office. He is a prominent member of the Bush family: the younger brother of current President George W. launches investigation into Schiavo death: The Florida governor has also pledged to follow up inquiries into Eisenhower, JFK and Nixon deaths. ``The governor just feels the death of three presidents in a row seems a bit more than just a coincidence,'' said an anonymous Bush spokesman. ``As soon as he finishes those, he'll move onto that 105-year- old guy that was married for 80 years. There's still a question in the amount of time it took his 100-year-old wife to call 911.'' Social Security plan dying of irony: With his three-month town-meeting tour to sell his Social Security reform plan fizzling, it seems that the president's Social Security plan won't live long enough to be eligible for Social Security. Taking the pressure off 911: Starting July 1, the Metropolitan Transportation Authority will launch a $1 million pilot so Los Angeles Los Angeles (lôs ăn`jələs, lŏs, ăn`jəlēz'), city (1990 pop. 3,485,398), seat of Los Angeles co., S Calif.; inc. 1850. County motorists will be able to dial #399 on their cell phones to summon a tow or report a pothole pothole, in geology, cylindrical pit formed in the rocky channel of a turbulent stream. It is formed and enlarged by the abrading action of pebbles and cobbles that are carried by eddies, or circular water currents that move against the main current of a stream. , freeing up 911 lines for real emergencies. Still under consideration to further reduce a congested con·gest·ed adj. Affected with or characterized by congestion. congested ENT adjective Referring to a boggy blood-filled tissue. See Nasal congestion. 911: reporting irate drivers (#yousonuva*****!), overeaters (#RUgon2eatthat?), and drunk drivers needing a taxi (#w9Dq73fd). Top gun for hire: Orange County Rep. Randy ``Duke'' Cunningham, R-San Diego, a former Navy fighter pilot who was a role model for Tom Cruise in the movie ``Top Gun'' and sits on the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee, is being investigated by federal agencies for selling his house to a military contractor, Mitchell Wade, for $1,675,000, who then sold it for $975,000 - a $700,000 loss. An anonymous attorney for Wade claimed this to be nothing more than real-estate naivete na·ive·té or na·ïve·té n. 1. The state or quality of being inexperienced or unsophisticated, especially in being artless, credulous, or uncritical. 2. An artless, credulous, or uncritical statement or act. . ``C'mon. It was Orange County. You could sell a homeless guy's cardboard box in Orange County for a couple mil,'' said the unidentified source. CAPTION(S): photo Photo: (color) ``The Truth about Hillary: What She Knew, When She Knew It, and How Far She'll Go to Become President,'' makes a splash. Spencer Platt/Getty Images |
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