ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF MAKING LIKE A JOHN AND BOLTON.Byline: Steve Young Guess he knew what he was talking about: Days after U.N. Ambassador John Bolton resigned, the maintenance crew at the United Nations was surprised to discover 10 floors of the building missing. ``In actuality, we wouldn't have noticed it for weeks,'' said one U.N. janitor, ``if it wasn't for the fact that he took the floors with the bathrooms.'' Next thing you know, Ellison will want to say happy holidays: KRLA's Dennis Prager Dennis Prager (born August 2, 1948) is an American syndicated radio talk show host, columnist, author, ethicist, and public speaker in the United States. He is noted for his conservative political views and for his study of the consequences of secularism in the 20th Century. is upset with Rep. Keith Ellison Keith Ellison may refer to:
tr.v. em·bold·ened, em·bold·en·ing, em·bold·ens To foster boldness or courage in; encourage. See Synonyms at encourage. Islamic extremists and make new ones,'' and ``undermines American civilization.'' ``Hopefully, Prager is right,'' said an Islamic extremist spokesperson. ``We've been getting a lot of us killed to undermine America. If we knew we could have done it by holding a book, we could have saved a lot of time and money trying to sell new recruits on the fun of suicide bombing Noun 1. suicide bombing - a terrorist bombing carried out by someone who does not hope to survive it bombing - the use of bombs for sabotage; a tactic frequently used by terrorists suicide bombing n → .'' Tell us something we didn't know: The bipartisan Iraq Study Group The Iraq Study group (ISG), also known as the Baker-Hamilton Commission,[1] was a ten-person bipartisan panel appointed on March 15, 2006, by the United States Congress, that was charged with assessing the situation in Iraq and the US-led Iraq War and making delivered its long-awaited report to the president and, shock upon shock, it said the United States faces a ``grave and deteriorating'' situation in its war. On the positive side, the report stated that Halliburton has reached record profits. Tell Us II: White House spokesman Tony Snow said that the Iraq Study Group's report backs up the administration's strategy completely. ``Of course, they used different words,'' said Snow. ``They said `grave and deteriorating,' we call it `making progress.' They said our policy was an `utter failure,' and we said `the insurgency is in its last throes throe n. 1. A severe pang or spasm of pain, as in childbirth. See Synonyms at pain. 2. throes A condition of agonizing struggle or trouble: a country in the throes of economic collapse. .' See, it's not a matter of disagreement. It's a matter of semantics.'' Which one doesn't belong? Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson end their marriage after four months. Mother of two small kiddies, Britney Spears, um ... goes commando, for all the world to see. Eddie Murphy and former Spice Girl Melanie Brown broke up and the actor-comedian isn't even sure if he's the father of her unborn child. Vice President Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter Mary Cheney, in a monogamous relationship for 15 years, is happily pregnant. Answer: Cheney is the only one who can't get married to her mate in the state where she lives. Rocky 35 -- Battle at the Smithsonian: In association with the opening of Sylvester Stallone's latest in the ``Rocky'' series, Rocky Balboa's boxing robe and gloves will share the same home as Dorothy's ruby slippers, Abraham Lincoln's top hat and Thomas Edison's light bulb. Stallone took the opportunity to announce that in his next film, he plans to fight Judy Garland, Lincoln and Edison. ``Of course, we'll be using fine actors in all the roles,'' said Stallone. ``Unfortunately, that means I won't be playing me.'' Pre-emptive strike: Asked why Senate Democrats did not put up a fight in the hearings for Secretary of Defense nominee Robert Gates, incoming Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., said, ``We just figured the faster we get him in office, the faster we can get to pushing to have him fired.'' Yeah, right: Sen. Hillary Clinton says she still doesn't know if she'll make a presidential run in 2008. On the other hand, a representative for Clinton confirmed that the senator had, in fact, received a Jan. 19, 2009, New York-to-1600 Pennsylvania Ave. quote from Mayflower Mayflower, ship Mayflower, ship that in 1620 brought the Pilgrims from England to New England. She set out from Southampton in company with the Speedwell, Van Lines. Shhh: Lindsay Lohan's press agent revealed that the starlet star·let n. 1. A small star. 2. A young film actress publicized as a future star. starlet Noun a young actress who has the potential to become a star Noun 1. is attending Alcoholics Anonymous Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), worldwide organization dedicated to the treatment of alcoholics; founded 1935 by two alcoholics, one a New York broker, the other an Ohio physician. meetings. Obviously the guy never read the second part of AA's name. Goin' around: First it was spinach, now E. coli E. coli: see Escherichia coli. E. coli in full Escherichia coli Species of bacterium that inhabits the stomach and intestines. E. coli can be transmitted by water, milk, food, or flies and other insects. infections from green onions at Taco Bell restaurants and strawberry problems at Jamba Juice. ``We're basically asking people to stay away from all healthy food,'' said a Food and Drug Administration spokesman. ``Right now, the only food products we're comfortable with are ice cream and Twinkies, and that's only what my kid told me.'' Question of the week: Judaism's much-divided Conservative movement voted Wednesday to allow seminaries to let rabbis perform blessings for same-sex couples, but kept in place a restriction on homosexual activity. Couldn't they accomplish the same thing just by allowing gays to get married? |
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