ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF HOV LANE TO KEEP COUPLES TOGETHER?Byline: STEVE YOUNG New mayor takes office:: Can anyone name the mayor of Los Angeles Los Angeles (lôs ăn`jələs, lŏs, ăn`jəlēz'), city (1990 pop. 3,485,398), seat of Los Angeles co., S Calif.; inc. 1850. who served between Richard Riordan Richard J. Riordan (born May 1, 1930) is a Republican politician from California, U.S. who served as the California Secretary of Education from 2003–2005 and as Mayor of Los Angeles from 1993–2001. Riordan ran for Governor of California unsuccessfully in 2002. and Antonio Villaraigosa? The 405 car-pool lane will keep L.A. families together: Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa says he will make construction of a northbound car-pool lane on the 405 Freeway through the Sepulveda Pass a priority. The new mayor believes it's all about family values. ``Not only will this add hours of family time in rush hour,'' said one City Hall source, ``but it will also save untold numbers of marriages for whom using the fast lane remains the last reason to stay together.'' U.S. Supreme Court says municipalities can seize private property for economic reasons: Perhaps now people will stop asking how we were able to take over Iraq. ``'Cause we can,'' the court said. More Supremes - Ten Commandments OK and not OK to display: In a rather schizophrenic approach to the decisions, the Commandments were allowed to remain outside Texas state houses, but inside Kentucky state courthouses, they're not. No word yet on doorways. Gay marriage sanctioned in Canada: The Canadian government made same-sex unions legal, and we can surely expect a wave of gay American couples to head across the border to take advantage of the new law, perhaps even stay. Inside reports suggest that the U.S. anti-gay lobby might have had something to do with this. ``Yep,'' admitted one anti-gay lobbyist. ``Worked pretty well too. Next month we're gonna get the Canucks to let liberals get hitched.'' Scrushy not guilty: Despite most of his management team's testifying against him, former CEO (1) (Chief Executive Officer) The highest individual in command of an organization. Typically the president of the company, the CEO reports to the Chairman of the Board. of HealthSouth Corp. Richard Scrushy was acquitted on all counts concerning a scheme to inflate the company's earnings by $2.7 billion. Scrushy, who seemed the only one at his company who did not know of the illegal activities, invoked the Grammy Award acceptance ``God is good'' rationale. God disputes Scrushy's claims. ``Don't put this thing on me,'' said the Deity. ``Didn't you hear the Supreme Court's Ten Commandments' ruling? I'm not even allowed in there.'' The Alabama not-guilty decision was a blow for the California travel industry, which thought it had all but wrapped up the Millionaire Celebrity's Slam Dunk Acquittal tourist trade. Brando items go on auction: The late actor's personal property went up for bid at Christies in New York New York, state, United States New York, Middle Atlantic state of the United States. It is bordered by Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and the Atlantic Ocean (E), New Jersey and Pennsylvania (S), Lakes Erie and Ontario and the Canadian province of . Some bargains are practically brand-new. Exercise bench - never used. Broken scale - used only once. Other items contain unexpected bonuses. Godfather cotton puffs - saliva included. American flag burning: The U.S. House of Representatives voted for a constitutional amendment to make the burning of the American flag a federal crime. Not clear is how to get around the fact that presently the appropriate manner to get rid of an old flag is to burn it. An unidentified source from the American Civil Liberties Union American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), nonpartisan organization devoted to the preservation and extension of the basic rights set forth in the U.S. Constitution. said the ``I'm not burning the flag, I'm destroying it'' defense is already being readied. Lakers get their kid: The Los Angeles Lakers, with their highest draft position in years, selected 17-year-old Andrew Bynum, the youngest player ever drafted in the history of the NBA NBA abbr. 1. National Basketball Association 2. National Boxing Association NBA (US) n abbr (= National Basketball Association) → Basketball-Dachverband (= . One Lakers official, who asked to be anonymous, said the team was looking at another player with even greater potential than Bynum, ``but when it was our turn to pick, his mom said he was still taking his nap.'' Justice statues undraped: The two partly nude Justice Department statues that former Attorney General John Ashcroft had concealed 3 1/2 years ago were uncovered last week by order of the new attorney general, revealing an important Justice Department fact. Alberto Gonzales is a breast man. Tom Cruise knows psychiatry: The ``War of the Worlds'' star told ``Today'' show host Matt Lauer that there was no such thing as chemical imbalance chemical imbalance Psychology A popular term of uncertain utility, which refers to a belief that many, if not all, mental disorders are attributable to a disequilibrium of one or more neurotransmitters because he studied the history of psychiatry and knows better than the professionals who suggest medication, proving once and for all that ... Tom Cruise needs medication. Democratic cash might buy Washington: Billionaire George Soros George Soros Born in Budapest, Hungary, in 1930, George Soros is considered by many to be one of the world's greatest investors. A famous hedge fund manager, Soros managed the Quantum Fund, a fund that achieved an average annual return of 30% from 1970-2000. , the face on the money behind many of the anti-Bush efforts over the past few years, is part of a group attempting to buy the National League's Washington Nationals, and Republicans are in a tizzy tiz·zy n. pl. tiz·zies Slang A state of nervous excitement or confusion; a dither. [Origin unknown. . Wait till they find out that Moveon.org is considering buying the Redskins Redskins can refer to:
Remakes hurting box office, but big in Washington: Hollywood is hurting, and many in the industry are blaming it on the tweaked redos of old films and TV shows as new films. From the ``Honeymooners'' to ``Bewitched'' to ``War of the Worlds,'' the deluge of unoriginality Noun 1. unoriginality - uncreativeness due to a lack of originality uncreativeness - a lack of creativity staleness, triteness - unoriginality as a result of being dull and hackneyed hasn't brought in the audiences, but it seems to be catching on in the world of politics. Presently in production in the nation's capital: ``Vietnam, The Iraqi Years,'' ``The Flag Burning Amendment, This Time We Mean It'' and, for IMAX IMAX Noun a film projection process that produces an image ten times larger than standard California audiences only, ``Gray Davis, This Time He's Arnold.'' CAPTION(S): photo Photo: (color) Surrounded by dignitaries, Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa speaks Friday after taking the oath of office An oath of office is an oath or affirmation a person takes before undertaking the duties of an office, usually a position in government or within a religious body, although such oaths are sometimes required of officers of other organizations. at Los Angeles City Hall. John Lazar/Staff Photographer |
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