ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF HE'LL PURSUE OTHER INTERESTS.Byline: STEVE YOUNG Old writers never die, the space for their columns just fades away: Well, you won't have Steve Young to get a kick out of anymore. It is with a heavy heart -- and pen -- that I must bid adieu to the readers of this column, as I am retiring from the Daily News to spend more time with my family. To tell you the truth, my family wishes I would stay out more. I've just always wanted to be able to say that. Actually, it's not that I need to stop writing this column, it's just that the Daily News needs to stop printing it. Ah, the benefits of the Internet. I want to thank those of you who have read my little tidbits TidBITS is an award-winning electronic newsletter and web site dealing primarily with Apple Computer and Macintosh-related topics. Internet publication TidBITS has been published weekly since April 16, 1990, which makes it one of the longest running Internet publications. for the past three years and got a bit of a chuckle. For those of you who didn't know whether it was my column or Bill O'Reilly's that was the joke, I apologize for the confusion. Before I go, let's give it one more shot ... How To Fix The LAUSD LAUSD Los Angeles Unified School District (Los Angeles, CA) Day 8: This is the last (and first) of an ATNTFTP one-day series of what needs to be done to correct all the problems facing the Los Angeles Unified School District The Los Angeles Unified School District (the "LAUSD") is the largest (in terms of number of students) public school system in California and the second-largest in the United States. Only the New York City Department of Education has a larger student population. : Rename it. LAUSD never worked for me. You try and pronounce it. Why don't we just say going to school gets you lice? DELAUSD maybe, but LAUSD? We need a better acronym that keeps kids involved and wanting to return every day. How about PLAY (Priming Los Angeles Los Angeles (lôs ăn`jələs, lŏs, ăn`jəlēz'), city (1990 pop. 3,485,398), seat of Los Angeles co., S Calif.; inc. 1850. Youth) or PARTY (Preparing A Resourceful, Thoughtful Youngun)? Of course if we're looking for Looking for In the context of general equities, this describing a buy interest in which a dealer is asked to offer stock, often involving a capital commitment. Antithesis of in touch with. the most efficient way to fix LAUSD I'd go with ARC (Ask Ray Cortines). Maybe it was nerves: After living together for only a little more than 50 years, Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin finally married last week. What took her so long to pop the question? You would have thought she would have left her a long time ago. Geesh. Womens. And for that matter, now officially in California ... Geesh. Mens. The L.A. beat(en) goes on: With the Lakers getting whomped by the Celtics in their failed quest for Verb 1. quest for - go in search of or hunt for; "pursue a hobby" quest after, go after, pursue look for, search, seek - try to locate or discover, or try to establish the existence of; "The police are searching for clues"; "They are searching for the the championship, finally the Dodgers can grab the L.A. spotlight in their own quest to not win the championship. Gore for Obama: Former Vice President Al Gore Noun 1. Al Gore - Vice President of the United States under Bill Clinton (born in 1948) Albert Gore Jr., Gore threw his considerable heft behind Barack Obama last week. "I figured I would wait until there was no other Democratic nominee left," said the nearly president. "I'm far too rich and award-laden to take any more risks." Gore add: With Gore added to the Obama support list, along with Kerry, McGovern, Hillary, Edwards and many other of those who ran losing presidential campaigns, Obama will have access to plenty of advice on what not to do. Bad day at breakfast: Did you ever realize how difficult it is to tell the difference between granola and cat litter? Seems like my cat has the same problem. Trouble's money troubles: The late Queen of Mean, zillionaire zil·lion·aire n. Informal One having an immense, incalculable amount of wealth. [zillion + (million)aire.] Leona Helmsley, left $12 million to her dog, Trouble, when she passed on. But last week a court took away $10 million, which some say had to do with Trouble's penchant for lavish expenditures. "At first it was just spending her inheritance on solid gold, diamond encrusted en·crust also in·crust tr.v. en·crust·ed, en·crust·ing, en·crusts 1. To cover or coat with or as if with a crust: chokers," said Trouble's butler. "But then the spending got out of hand. She would only eat caviar-flavored dog biscuits that were also solid gold and diamond encrusted. "It's bad enough that she has a temper that puts Leona's to shame -- it's always bark this and bark that -- but when you add to that she's a shop-aholic, well, no one wants to be around a bitch like that." Same ole song: Last week, Amy Winehouse ... ah, you know the rest of the story. Soli grande larceny larceny, in law, the unlawful taking and carrying away of the property of another, with intent to deprive the owner of its use or to appropriate it to the use of the perpetrator or of someone else. : Thieves stole 4,000 gallons of diesel fuel from a Burbank gas station, which experts estimate to have a street value of $20,000 -- or, if sold next week, $40,000. Talk about a handicap: Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open despite being hurt. Doctors found, in addition to a torn ligament in his left knee, a double stress fracture stress fracture n. A fatigue fracture of bone caused by repeated application of a heavy load, such as the constant pounding on a surface by runners, gymnasts, and dancers. in his left leg. By the finish of the Open's 92 holes, Tiger had lost both of his lungs, had his right arm amputated and had a hangnail hangnail /hang·nail/ (hang´nal) a shred of eponychium on a proximal or lateral nail fold. hang·nail n. that just wouldn't quit. Going out of biz sale: If you know anyone who's in need of a slightly used satirist who only drove his column on Sundays -- or if you still need to read what I'm writing -- check out: steveyoungonpolitics.com Parting shot: I leave you with the last words of Douglas Fairbanks Sr.: "I have never felt better." |
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