ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO SPOOF ANNA NICOLE SMITH STEVENS?

Byline: STEVE YOUNG

Smith unnerves Supreme Court: Anna Nicole Smith's appearance in the Supreme Court set the justices all aflutter. ``It's not her case that shook us up,'' said Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg. ``It's Justice Stevens' incessant proposing to Ms. Smith that threw us off.''

Le petite Cunningham: Former San Diego congressman and future federal inmate Randall ``Duke'' Cunningham seems to have used a ``bribe menu'' of what he would charge defense contractors to procure them government contracts. While totally illegal, Duke exhibited real charm. When he was soliciting bribes from female military contractors, he would leave the prices off the menu.

Administration lashes back at president's low poll numbers: Dick Cheney has leaked information indicating that all those voting against the president's popularity were sent to vote by their wives who work at the CIA.

At least they're not the Knicks: In what seems to be a last-ditch effort to fill the empty, but still overpriced, seats at Staples Center Laker games, the lackluster team is thinking of starting a midseason promotional campaign called ``It Could Be Worse,'' which would list all the teams with worse records than the Lakers. Team officials admitted the campaign may not be all that original since the Clippers put up the ``Hey, We Could Be The Lakers'' billboard months ago.

TV shows can't jump: FX's new documentary, ``Black.White.'' was set to explore how perceptions change when a white family is made up to look black. Unfortunately, the show had to be shut down early when the family gave away their identity by trying to dance. ``We gave them strict instructions not to jump or act cool,'' said one frustrated FX official, ``but who knew that someone would play that Kelly Clarkson CD?''

MySpace admits shoddy oversight: Officials at the popular Web site conceded they might have been a bit lax in allowing the blurb offering underage children free tickets and airfare to an annual sex-predator convention. ``Our bad,'' said MySpace.com spokeswoman, Bea Kidfriendly. ``Who would have guessed that child molesters would be checking out a site visited by millions of kids?''

Networks go scriptless: Hoping to tap into the success of Larry David's ``Curb Your Enthusiasm,'' semi-scripted, semi-improvised programs ``Free Ride'' and ``Sons and Daughters'' hit the airwaves this week. Audiences will also be free to improvise. ``Instead of telling the studio audiences when to laugh, we're going to take a huge risk and ask them to laugh only where they think the show is funny,'' said Fox VP I. Greenlite Crapola. ``Then we're going to tape that laughter and use it on our other sitcoms that are - what we call in the business - really, really pathetic.''

It's worth a try: Facing a budget deficit that has ballooned to nearly $300 million, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa will be submitting a proposal that authorizes shipment of the entire deficit to Las Vegas. ``L.A. people have lost way more money there already,'' said Villaraigosa. ``This is only fair.''

Dumping contract extended: The Los Angeles City Council voted 13-1 on Tuesday to continue disposing our garbage in Sunshine Canyon for the next five years. Area residents ask that some limits be placed on the trash. ``We're still trying to get out the stink of the 2005 Dodgers season they dumped in there last year.''

More garbage - Donald Trashes Martha: A week after Donald Trump obnoxiously slammed Martha Stewart to hype his new season of ``The Apprentice,'' audiences informed The Donald in ratings lower than a basement apartment on Park Avenue: ``Donald, you're fired!''

Tusks-A-Loosa in Alabama? In court, Saddam Hussein said, while wearing his pajamas, that the 148 Iraqis he's accused of murdering were appropriately convicted. The brutal dictator added, ``What those innocent victims were doing in my pajamas, I'll never know.''

Just a slip of the levees: Presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said the video tape showing President George W. Bush being briefed on Katrina's potential for breaching New Orleans' levees - before saying, ``No one could have anticipated the breach in the levees'' - was just another example of the mainstream media making a mountain out of a molehill. ``The president was speaking about the unexpected rip in his jeans,'' said a sweat-pouring-from-the-forehead McClellan. ``I think you'd all agree that with the president's penchant for diet and exercise, no one would have anticipated the breach in his Levis. Isn't it just like the press to make a big deal out of a simple mispronunciation?''

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Photo:

Anna Nicole Smith arrives at the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, D.C.

Win McNamee/Getty Images