ALL OVER AGAIN, OR FOR THE FIRST TIME, `DEJA VU' CONFUSES.

Byline: Glenn Whipp Film Critic

The headache-inducing ``Deja Vu'' opens with a Bruckheimer bang -- 543 people blown to bits by a terrorist bomb on board a New Orleans river ferry -- and chugs along nicely until Denzel Washington hears the nine words that should strike fear into the heart of every moviegoer:

There's a warp in the very fabric of space.

And faster than Washington can bellow, ``Somebody explain it!'' you know there's trouble in Crescent City, with a capital T that rhymes with D that stands for dumb. Really, hasn't New Orleans been through enough in the past year? Now it has to endure another natural disaster in the form of a ``Back to the Future''/``Beam me up, Scotty''/``CSI'' hybrid that cynically uses terrorism to play on our sympathies?

Not for producer Bruckheimer, director Ridley Scott and star Washington, who have worked together before with much better results.

There is a self-awareness here at the ridiculousness of the enterprise -- screenwriters Bill Marsilii and Terry Rossio pepper the script with characters repeating a variation of ``none of this makes sense -- none of it.'' But the preposterousness is played dead-serious, except for Washington, who coasts along, easy in the knowledge that he'll be cashing another eight-figure paycheck for his trouble.

Washington plays ATF agent Doug Carlin, a veteran of the Oklahoma City bombing, who arrives after the explosion and soon finds himself promoted to a position within a very special investigative unit -- a unit with a wayback machine that would make Mr. Peabody foam at the mouth. Other agents at the ``time window lab'' are played by Val Kilmer (is this what it's come to?) and Adam Goldberg, clearly hired for his ability to talk very fast so that the most idiotic exposition will zoom in one ear and out the other. (``None of this makes sense! None of it!'')

Their investigation leads a mysterious woman (Paula Patton), a McVeigh-like mad bomber and assorted shots of graphic violence (point-blank murders, bodies being doused with gas and set on fire, a woman with a hood on her head being brutally beaten) that seem a little ... well, let's say intense, for a PG-13 movie. Somewhere, Kirby Dick (``This Film Is Not Yet Rated'') is having a coronary.

The notion of wanting to go back in time to change the outcome of an event is a fertile idea. It will certainly resonate with anyone paying good money to see this Thanksgiving weekend turkey. You can practically hear the conversations from people leaving the theater:.

``If only we could travel back two hours and buy a ticket for ... `Happy Feet' or `Borat' or `Stranger Than Fiction' or `Volver' or ... ''

Take your pick. Just don't pick this.

Glenn Whipp, [phone].

[e-mail]

DEJA VU - Two stars

(PG-13: intense sequences of violence and terror, disturbing images, some sensuality)

Starring: Denzel Washington.

Director: Tony Scott.

Running time: 2 hr. 8 min.

Playing: In wide release.

In a nutshell: Headache-inducing ``Back to the Future''/``CSI'' hybrid will have you wanting to travel back in time to buy a ticket for another movie.

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Denzel Washington stars in the New Orelans-set, problem-plagued ``Deja Vu.''